Awake!, July 8, 1992

Awake! — July 8, 1992

Source: jw.org

Contents

Page Two

Women—Are They Respected Today?

Women—Respected at Home?

Women—Respected in the Workplace?

Respecting Women in Everyday Life

Respecting Women in the Congregation

Why Did Our Grandparents Move In?

Why Is Golf So Popular?

Enjoy a Mexican Taco

“Awake!” Helps Smokers Quit the Habit!

Does the World Need a “New Evangelization”?

Watching the World

From Our Readers

Death Metal—What’s the Message?

“Wake Up, World!”

Page Two

Page Two

Women Deserving of Respect 3-17

For thousands of years, women have been abused, harassed, and oppressed. Now the tide is finally turning in their favor. Why should women be respected in all cultures? How can men improve in their treatment of women?

Why Is Golf So Popular? 21

Golf, once a sport of the rich, is now gaining adepts from all walks of life. What has changed the situation? Awake! correspondent in Hawaii gives some answers.

Death Metal​—What’s the Message? 31

Heavy-​metal rock concerts draw big crowds. Heavy-​metal music is also big business. But what is the message?

Women—Are They Respected Today?

Women​—Are They Respected Today?

WHY should this question even arise? some surprised males might ask. But when we examine the treatment of women throughout history, and nowadays in all the world, a few simple questions give us a clue to the answer.

In human relationships, who have mainly been the victims and who the oppressors? Who primarily have been battered in marriage? Men or women? Who have been raped in times of peace and of war? Who have been the major victims of childhood sexual abuse? Boys or girls? Who have often been consigned by man-​made decrees to second-​class citizenship? Who have been denied the right to vote? Who have had limited opportunity for education? Men or women?

The questions could go on and on, but the facts speak for themselves. In her book May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons, Elisabeth Bumiller writes, based on her experiences in India: “The ‘typical’ Indian woman, representing about 75 percent of the four hundred million women and female children in India, lives in a village. . . . She can neither read nor write, although she would like to, and has rarely traveled more than twenty miles [30 km] from her place of birth.” This inequality in education is a problem not just in India but throughout the world.

In Japan, as in many other countries, a disparity still exists. According to The Asahi Yearbook for 1991, the number of male students in four-​year university courses is 1,460,000 while that of females is 600,000. Without a doubt, women all over the world can testify to their inferior opportunities in the field of education. ‘Education is for boys’ is the attitude they have had to face.

In her recent book Backlash​—The Undeclared War Against American Women, Susan Faludi asks some pertinent questions about the status of women in the United States. “If American women are so equal, why do they represent two-​thirds of all poor adults? . . . Why are they still far more likely than men to live in poor housing and receive no health insurance, and twice as likely to draw no pension?”

Women have overwhelmingly been the ones who have suffered most. They are the ones who have borne the brunt of indignities, insults, sexual harassment, and lack of respect at the hands of men. This mistreatment is by no means limited to so-​called developing countries. The U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee recently compiled a report on violence against women. It came up with some shocking facts. “Every 6 minutes, a woman is raped; every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten. . . . No woman is immune from violent crime in this country. Of American women alive today, three out of four will be the victim of at least one violent crime.” In one year, from three to four million women were abused by their husbands. It was this deplorable situation that led to the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act of 1990.​—Senate Report, The Violence Against Women Act of 1990.

Let us now examine some of the settings in which women have endured a lack of respect from men around the world. Then, in the last two articles in this series, we will discuss how mutual respect can be shown by men and women in all walks of life.

Women—Respected at Home?

Women​—Respected at Home?

“One after another, the women met gruesome deaths. . . . And while the manner of their deaths differed, the underlying circumstances did not: Quebec [Canada] police say that each of the women was killed by a past or present husband or lover. In all, 21 women in Quebec have been killed this year [1990], victims of a surge in conjugal violence.”​—Maclean’s, October 22, 1990.

DOMESTIC violence, called by some “the dark side of family life,” sows a harvest of disrupted families and produces children with a twisted view of what marital relations are supposed to be. Children are torn apart in their loyalties to their parents as they try to understand why dad is battering mom. (Less frequently, the question is, why is mom being so vicious to dad?) The fruitage of domestic violence often includes sons who grow up to be wife beaters themselves. The paternal imprint has left them with grave psychological as well as personality problems.

The UN publication The World’s Women​—1970-1990 states: “Men’s attacks on women in their homes are thought to be the least reported of crimes—​in part because such violence is seen as a social ill, not a crime.”

How bad is spouse abuse in the United States? The Senate report quoted in the previous article states: “The term ‘domestic violence’ may sound tame, but the behavior it describes is far from gentle. Statistics present a chilling picture of just how serious​—indeed even lethal—​spouse abuse may be. Between 2,000 and 4,000 women die every year from abuse. . . . Unlike other crimes, spouse abuse is ‘chronic’ violence. It is persistent intimidation and repeated physical injury.”

World Health magazine says: “Violence against women occurs in every country and in every social and economic class. In many cultures, wife-​beating is considered a man’s right. All too often, routine beating and rape of women and girls are considered ‘private matters’ that do not concern others​—whether the legal authorities or health personnel.” This violence at home can easily spread to the school setting.

This was illustrated in what happened at a Kenya coed boarding school in July 1991. The New York Times reported that “71 teen-​age schoolgirls were raped by male students and 19 others died in a night of dormitory violence that reportedly . . . ran on unchecked by the local police or teachers.” How could this rampage of sexual violence be explained? “This tragedy has underscored the abominable male chauvinism that dominates Kenyan social life,” wrote Hilary Ng’Weno, editor in chief of The Weekly Review, Kenya’s most widely read magazine. “The lot of our women and girls is lamentable. . . . We bring up our boys to have little or no respect for girls.”

Therein lies the crux of the problem worldwide​—boys are often raised to view girls and women as inferior, exploitable creatures. The women are seen as vulnerable and easily dominated. From there it is just a short step to disrespect for the female and outright male chauvinism and an equally short step to acquaintance rape or date rape. And regarding rape, let it not be forgotten that “an assault may be over in moments, but felt for a lifetime.”​—Senate Report.

Many men, although not necessarily physically violent against women, can be described as subliminal misogynists, or woman haters. Rather than physical violence, they use psychological abuse or battering. In her book Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them, Dr. Susan Forward says: “As their partners described them, [these men] were often charming and even loving, but they were able to switch to cruel, critical, and insulting behavior on a moment’s notice. Their behavior covered a wide spectrum, from obvious intimidation and threats to more subtle, covert attacks which took the form of constant put-​downs or erosive criticism. Whatever the style, the results were the same. The man gained control by grinding the woman down. These men also refused to take any responsibility for how their attacks made their partners feel.”

Yasuko,a a petite Japanese, now married 15 years, told Awake! of her family experience: “My father regularly beat and mistreated my mother. He would kick and punch her, drag her by the hair, and even throw stones at her. And do you know why? Because she dared to challenge him about his infidelity with another woman. You see, in Japanese culture, it has been viewed as quite normal for some men to have a mistress. My mother was ahead of her time and refused to accept it. After 16 years of marriage and four children, she got a divorce. She was left with no child support from my father.”

Yet, even where wife battering has been reported to the authorities, it has often not prevented a vindictive husband from murdering his wife. On many occasions, in countries like the United States, the law has been inadequate to protect a threatened and terrorized spouse. “One study showed that in over half of all murders of wives by their husbands, police had been called to the residence five times in the previous year to investigate a domestic violence complaint.” (Senate Report) In some extreme cases, to save herself from further abuse, the wife has killed her husband.

Domestic violence, in which the woman is usually the victim, manifests itself in many different ways. In India the reported number of so-​called dowry deaths (husbands killing wives because of dissatisfaction with the dowry being paid by the wife’s family) increased from 2,209 in 1988 to 4,835 in 1990. These figures cannot be viewed as complete or accurate, though, since many deaths of wives are passed off as domestic accidents​—usually by deliberate burning with kerosene used for cooking. Added to this are the suicides of wives who can no longer face domestic misery.

When the Choice Is Sons or Daughters

Women are discriminated against from birth and even before birth. How is that so? Awake! interviewed Madhu from Bombay, India, for one answer: “When a son is born to an Indian family, there is rejoicing. The mother’s problems are over. Now the parents have a son to care for them in their old age. Their ‘social security’ is guaranteed. But if she gives birth to a daughter, she is looked upon as a failure. It is as if she has merely brought another burden into the world. The parents are going to have to provide an expensive dowry in order to get her married off. And if a mother keeps producing daughters, then she is a loser.”b

The journal Indian Express reported regarding girls in India: “Their survival is not considered really important to the survival of the family.” The same source cites a survey in Bombay that “revealed that out of 8,000 foetuses aborted following sex-​determination tests, 7,999 were female.”

Elisabeth Bumiller writes: “The condition of some Indian women is so wretched that if their plight received the attention given to that of ethnic and racial minorities in other parts of the world, their cause would be taken up by human rights groups.”​—May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons.

“Woman’s Work Is Never Done”

“Woman’s work is never done” may seem like a cliché. But it states a truth that men often overlook. A woman with children does not have the luxury of a fixed work schedule, from nine to five, as men often do. If a baby is crying in the night, who is the one most likely to respond? Who does the cleaning, washing, and ironing? Who prepares and serves the meals when the husband comes home from work? Who cleans up after the meals and then prepares the children for bed? And in many countries, in addition to all of this, who is expected to fetch water and even work in the fields with a baby on her back? Usually mother. Her schedule is not just 8 or 9 hours a day; it is often 12 to 14 or more. However, there is no overtime pay for her​—and too often there is no thanks either!

According to World Health magazine, in Ethiopia many “women are expected to work 16 to 18 hours a day, [and] their level of income is so low that they cannot maintain themselves and their families. . . . Hunger is a daily phenomenon; in most cases, they [women fuelwood collectors and carriers] get only one incomplete meal per day and usually leave their homes without breakfast.”

Siu, originally from Hong Kong, now married 20 years, said: “In the Chinese context, men have tended to belittle women, viewing them either as domestic helpers and child bearers or, at the other extreme, as idols, toys, or sex objects. But really, what we women want is to be treated as intelligent creatures. We want men to listen to us when we speak and not just act as if we were dummies!”

Little wonder that the book Men and Women says: “Everywhere, even if women are highly regarded, the activities of men are valued more than those of women. It matters not a whit how a society allocates roles and tasks between the sexes; those that belong to men inevitably count for more in the eyes of the whole community.”

The fact of the matter is that the woman’s role in the home is usually taken for granted. Thus, the foreword to The World’s Women​—1970-1990 states: “Women’s living conditions—​and their contributions to the family, the economy and the household​—have generally been invisible. Many statistics have been defined in terms that portray men’s conditions and contributions, not women’s, or that simply ignore gender. . . . Much of the work women do is still not considered to be of any economic value at all​—and is not even measured.”

In 1934, North American writer Gerald W. Johnson expressed opinions about women in the workplace: “A woman frequently gets a man’s job but rarely a man’s pay. The reason is that there is no conceivable form of daily labor that cannot be done better by some man than by any woman. The greatest dressmakers and milliners are men . . . The greatest cooks are invariably men. . . . Right here and now it is a fact that any employer is willing to give a man more money than he gives a woman for the same work because he has reason to believe that the man will do it better.” That comment, though it may have been tongue-​in-​cheek, reflected the biases of the time, which are still current in many male minds.

Lack of Respect​—A Worldwide Problem

Every culture has developed its attitudes, biases, and prejudices as to the role of women in society. But the question that has to be answered is, Do these attitudes show due respect for the dignity of women? Or, rather, do they reflect male dominance over the centuries due to man’s usually superior physical strength? If women are treated as slaves or as exploitable objects, then where is the respect for their dignity? To a greater or lesser degree, most cultures have subverted the woman’s role and undermined her self-​esteem.

One example of many from around the world comes from Africa: “Yoruba women [Nigeria] must pretend to be ignorant and acquiescent in the presence of their husbands, and when serving meals, they are required to kneel at their husbands’ feet.” (Men and Women) In other parts of the world, this subservience may be shown in a variety of ways​—a wife’s having to walk a certain distance behind her husband, or having to walk while he rides a horse or a mule, or having to carry burdens while the husband carries none, or having to eat separately, and so on.

In his book The Japanese, Edwin Reischauer, born and raised in Japan, wrote: “Attitudes of male chauvinism are blatantly evident in Japan. . . . A double sexual standard, which leaves the man free and the woman restricted, is still common. . . . Married women, moreover, are expected to be far more faithful than men.”

As in many countries, sexual harassment is also a problem in Japan, especially in the packed subway cars at rush hour. Yasuko, from Hino City, a suburb of Tokyo, told Awake!: “As a young woman, I used to commute into Tokyo. It was so embarrassing because some men took advantage of the situation to pinch and feel wherever they could. What could we women do about it? We had to endure it. But it was shameful. At morning rush hour, there was a separate car for women, so at least some could escape those indignities.”

Sue, a former resident in Japan, had her own way of freeing herself of these attentions. She would say in a loud voice, “Fuzakenai de kudasai!” which means “Quit fooling around!” She says: “That got immediate attention and action. Nobody wanted to lose face in front of all the others. Suddenly there was not a single man touching me!”

Lack of respect for women in the domestic circle is evidently a worldwide problem. But what about the role of women in the workplace? Do they get more respect and recognition there?

[Footnotes]

The interviewees asked to remain anonymous. Substitute names are used throughout these articles.

Husbands nearly always assume that the wife is to blame for having daughters. The law of genetics does not enter into their calculations. (See box, this page.)

[Box on page 6]

How Is a Child’s Sex Determined?

“The sex of the unborn child is decided at the instant of fertilization, and it is the father’s sperm cell that is decisive. Every ovum, or egg, that a woman produces is female in the sense that it contains an X, or a female, sex chromosome. In a man, only half of the sperm cells carry an X chromosome, while the other half carry a Y, which is the male sex chromosome.” Therefore, if two X chromosomes are joined, the result will be a girl; if a male Y joins the female X, the baby will be a boy. Thus, whether a woman has boys or girls is decided by the chromosome factor in the male sperm. (ABC’s of the Human Body, a Reader’s Digest publication) It is illogical for a man to blame his wife for producing only girls. There should be no blame attached. It is simply the lottery of procreation.

[Box/​Picture on page 8]

A Tragedy of Massive Proportions

In her book Feminism Without Illusions, Elizabeth Fox-​Genovese wrote: “There is good reason to believe that many men . . . are increasingly tempted to use [their] strength in the one situation in which it still clearly gives them an advantage​—their personal relations with women. If I am correct in this suspicion, then we are looking at a tragedy of massive proportions.” And that tragedy of massive proportions embraces the millions of women who suffer daily at the hands of a bullying husband, a father, or any other male​—a male who fails to “meet the tests of equity and justice.”

“In thirty states [of the United States], it is still generally legal for husbands to rape their wives; and only ten states have laws mandating arrest for domestic violence . . . Women who have no other option but to flee find that isn’t much of an alternative either. . . . One third of the 1 million battered women who seek emergency shelter each year can find none.”​—Introduction to Backlash—​The Undeclared War Against American Women, by Susan Faludi.

[Picture]

For millions, domestic violence is the dark side of family life

[Picture on page 7]

Hundreds of millions live without running water, sewage disposal, or electricity in their homes​—if they have a home

Women—Respected in the Workplace?

Women​—Respected in the Workplace?

“Whether single or married, the majority of the men viewed the women as fair game.”​—Jenny, formerly a legal secretary.

“Sexual harassment and abuse of females in the hospital setting is notorious.”​—Sarah, a registered nurse.

“I was constantly propositioned at work, you know, immoral suggestions.”​—Jean, a registered nurse.

DO THESE cases represent an exceptional situation, or are they widespread? Awake! interviewed a number of women with experience in the workplace. Were they respected and treated with dignity by their male counterparts? These were some of their comments:

Sarah, a nurse from New Jersey, U.S.A., with nine years’ experience in U.S. military hospitals: “I remember when I served in San Antonio, Texas, and a vacancy arose in the Kidney Dialysis Department. I asked a group of doctors what I would have to do to get the job. One answered with a smirk, ‘Go to bed with the head doctor.’ I just said, ‘On those terms I don’t want the job.’ But that is often how promotion and jobs are decided. The woman has to bend to the dominant lusting male.

“On another occasion, I was working in an intensive care unit fixing IVs [intravenous lines] to a patient when a doctor came by and pinched my rear. I was furious and stormed out to a nearby room. He followed me and said something crude. I just slugged him right into a garbage can! I went straight back to my patient. Needless to say he never harassed me again!”

Miriam, a married woman from Egypt who formerly did secretarial work in Cairo, explained the situation for women working in an Egyptian Muslim setting. “Women are more modestly dressed than in Western society. I didn’t observe any physical sexual harassment in my workplace. But there is sexual harassment on the Cairo subway to the degree that now the first car is reserved for women.”

Jean, a quiet but determined woman with 20 years’ experience as a nurse, said: “I followed a strict policy of never dating anyone at work. But the harassment came whether I was dealing with doctors or with male orderlies. They all thought they had the psychological advantage. If we nurses did not ‘cooperate’ with them in their sexual desires, then the orderlies would not be around when we needed help to lift a patient onto a bed and suchlike things.”

Jenny worked as a legal secretary for seven years. She explains what she saw while working with lawyers. “Whether single or married, the majority of the men viewed the women as fair game. Their attitude was, ‘As lawyers we have earned it, and women are one of our privileges.’” And the evidence seems to indicate that other professionals have the same opinion. But what can a woman do to reduce harassment?

Darlene, a black American who worked as a secretary and as a restaurant hostess, said: “Things can go wrong if you fail to establish your boundaries of conduct. If a man starts to tease you and you tease back, then things can easily get out of hand. I have had to state my position clearly on different occasions. I have used expressions such as, ‘I would appreciate it if you didn’t speak to me in those terms.’ On another occasion I said: ‘As a married woman, I find what you have said to be offensive, and I don’t think my husband would appreciate it.’

“The point is, if you want respect, you have to earn it. And I don’t see how a woman can earn respect if she tries to compete with men in what I call locker-​room talk​—off-​color jokes and sexual insinuations. If you blur the boundary between acceptable and unacceptable speech and conduct, then some guy will try to cross it.”

The Bullying Male

Connie, a nurse with 14 years’ experience, explained another form of harassment that can crop up in many settings. “I was working with a doctor on a normal change-​of-​dressing routine. I followed all the standard procedures that I had learned. I know all about sterile technique, and so forth. But nothing was right for that doctor. He ranted and raved at me and criticized my every move. This kind of thing, putting women down, is pretty frequent. Some men have an ego problem, and it seems they have a need to impose their authority over the women working with them.”

Sarah, previously quoted, added her experience in this regard. “I was working in preparation for an operation when I checked out the vital signs of the patient. His EKG [electrocardiogram] record was so irregular that I knew he was in no condition to be operated on. I made the mistake of drawing this to the attention of the surgeon. He was furious, and his response was: ‘Nurses should pay attention to bed pans, not EKGs.’ So I just notified the head anesthesiologist, and he said that under these circumstances his team would not cooperate with the surgeon. Then the surgeon turned around and told the man’s wife that I was to blame for her husband’s not being operated on yet! In that setting a woman cannot win. Why? Because you have unwittingly threatened a male ego.”

Clearly, women are often subjected to harassment and demeaning conduct in the workplace. But what is their standing before the law?

Women and the Law

In some countries it has taken women many centuries to achieve even theoretical equality under the law. And where the law spells out that equality, a wide abyss often separates theory and practice.

The UN publication The World’s Women​—1970-1990 states: “Much of this gap [governmental policy gap] is embodied in laws that deny women equality with men in their rights to own land, borrow money and enter contracts.” As one woman from Uganda said: “We continue to be second-​rate citizens​—no, third-​rate, since our sons come before us. Even donkeys and tractors sometimes get better treatment.”

The Time-​Life publication Men and Women states: “In 1920, the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution guaranteed women the right to vote​—long after they had already won that right in many European countries. But the franchise was not granted in Britain until 1928 (and not until after World War II in Japan).” To protest the political injustice to women, a British suffragette, Emily Wilding Davison, threw herself in front of the King’s horse in the 1913 Derby and was killed. She became a martyr in the cause of equal rights for women.

The very fact that as late as 1990, the U.S. Senate considered the “Violence Against Women Act” shows that male-​dominated legislatures have been slow to respond to the needs of women.

This brief picture of the treatment of women earth wide leads us to the question, Will matters ever be different? What is necessary for the situation to change? The next two articles will discuss those questions.

[Box/​Picture on page 11]

Who Are Worse Off?

“Women do two-​thirds of the world’s work. They produce 60 to 80 percent of Africa’s and Asia’s food, 40 percent of Latin America’s. Yet they earn only one-​tenth of the world’s income and own less than one percent of the world’s property. They are among the poorest of the world’s poor.”​—May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons, by Elisabeth Bumiller.

“The fact is that little girls do not go to school [in some parts of the world] because there is no safe drinking water. . . . I have seen adolescent girls fetch drinking water from twenty and sometimes thirty kilometres [10 to 20 miles] away, which takes a whole day. By the time they are fourteen or fifteen years old, these girls . . . have never been to school, have never learned anything.”​—Jacques-​Yves Cousteau, The Unesco Courier, November 1991.

[Picture on page 10]

Sexual harassment does not have to be tolerated

Respecting Women in Everyday Life

Respecting Women in Everyday Life

IF WOMEN are to be respected more than at present, when and where must the change begin? Well, when and where do biases and prejudices usually form? At home and at school, during the formative years. We develop our attitudes to a large extent under parental influence. So who, logically, can have a powerful effect on the future attitudes of young men toward women? Obviously, the father and the mother. One of the keys to the problem therefore is proper education that can penetrate homes and influence parents.

How Women Are Viewed

That prejudice is built in at home is illustrated by Jenny, a married secretary, the eldest of four daughters, who said: “As young women, we were always conscious of the fact that in the United States, there are more women than men. So if you want to get married, you have to make yourself catchable.

“Then, too, women are conditioned to think that they are lesser creatures. Sometimes even your parents make you think you are worth less than the boys. When some man comes into your life, he sends the same message, that you are inferior to men.

“And why should our self-​esteem have to be based mainly on bodily proportions and endowments or the lack thereof? Are men judged that way?”

Betty, married for 32 years, formerly a store manager, made another point: “Why are women judged by their gender rather than by their experience, ability, and intelligence? All I ask is for men to listen to my mind. Don’t put me down on the basis of my sex!

“Too often men view women as if we were all dumb or stupid​—too dumb to make a right decision. You know what I say? Let them treat us as they would want to be treated. That will soon change their perspective!” All she asks is that men apply the Golden Rule, ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you.’​—Matthew 7:12.

These women raise some valid points. A woman’s true worth should not have to be based on superficial physical appearance and charm or on cultural prejudices. A Spanish proverb expresses it this way: “A beautiful woman pleases the eyes; a good woman pleases the heart. If the former is a jewel, the latter is a treasure.”

The Bible makes a similar point in a different way: “Your beauty should not be dependent on an elaborate coiffure, or on the wearing of jewelry or fine clothes, but on the inner personality​—the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God.” And just as we should not judge a book by its cover, so we should not judge people by their gender.​—1 Peter 3:3, 4, Phillips.

Showing Respect in the Home

A legitimate complaint of many women, especially working wives and mothers, is that husbands fail to recognize household chores as additional work, and they usually do not do their share. Susan Faludi, previously quoted, says: “Nor do women enjoy equality in their own homes, where they still shoulder 70 percent of the household duties.” What is the solution to this injustice?

While perhaps not palatable to many husbands in some cultures, a fair domestic arrangement should be worked out, especially if the wife also has to go out to work. Of course, any sharing of duties might also take into account fields of activity that are usually the responsibility of the male​—caring for the car, tending the yard and the garden, plumbing, electrical work, and so forth—​which, however, seldom match the time a wife spends in domestic chores. In some countries husbands even expect the wife to keep the car washed and clean, as if it were an extension of the home!

In a way, this suggestion to share in domestic chores is in line with the apostle Peter’s counsel to husbands to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge.” (1 Peter 3:7) Among other things, this means that the husband should not simply be an impersonal, insensitive roommate or house partner. He should respect his wife’s intelligence and experience. He should also understand her needs as a woman, wife, and mother. This involves more than the need for a breadwinner to bring home a paycheck; many working wives also do that. He has to understand her physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and, above all, spiritual needs.

For the husband who claims to follow Christian principles, there is a greater responsibility involved​—that of imitating the example of Christ. He extended a beautiful invitation to all those who were “toiling and loaded down,” saying: “I will refresh you. . . . I am mild-​tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28, 29) What a challenge for Christian husbands and fathers! Each one should ask himself: ‘Do I refresh my wife or repress her? Am I kind and approachable, or do I tend to be a tyrant, a despot, or a dictator? Do I show “brotherly affection” at Christian meetings and then become unbearable at home?’ There should be no Jekyll-​and-​Hyde husbands in the Christian congregation.​—1 Peter 3:8, 9.

Therefore, there can be no justification for the description of a husband given by one abused Christian woman: “The macho Christian head who is so nice at the Kingdom Hall and buys gifts for others but treats his wife like dirt.” Proper respect for a wife leaves no room for repression and humiliation. Of course, this is a two-​sided coin; a wife should also show proper respect for her husband.​—Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter 3:1, 2.

In effect confirming the above, Dr. Susan Forward writes: “A good relationship is based on mutual respect.” That makes both partners responsible for success. She continues: “It involves concern for and sensitivity to each other’s feelings and needs, as well as an appreciation of the things that make each partner so special. . . . Loving partners find effective ways of dealing with their differences; they do not view each encounter as a battle to be won or lost.”​—Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them.

The Bible also gives fine counsel to husbands at Ephesians 5:28: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Why is that statement true? Because marriage is like a joint bank account in which both have deposited 50 percent. If a husband misuses any of that money, he harms the financial status of both. Likewise, if a husband harms his wife in any way, then in the short term or the long, he also harms himself. Why? Because his marriage is a shared investment. If you harm that investment, you harm both parties to it.

There is one vital point to be remembered about respect​—it should not be demanded. While each spouse owes the other respect, it must also be earned. Christ never got respect by trying to impose his superior power or position.a Likewise, in a marriage husband and wife earn respect by their mutually considerate course of action, not by using Bible texts as sledgehammers to demand it.

Showing Respect at Work

Do men need to view women as a threat to their male ego? In her book Feminism Without Illusions, Elizabeth Fox-​Genovese wrote: “In truth, many women today want what many men want: to make a decent living, to have a rewarding personal life, and to get on in the world without rocking too many boats.” Should that desire or ambition be construed as a threat to men? She also stated: “Why should we not recognize that, notwithstanding all the changes our world has undergone or may undergo, differences persist and can be enjoyed?”

Christian men who serve as foremen or overseers especially need to respect the dignity of their female fellow workers and recall that a married woman has only one man as her “head” in the Biblical sense, her husband. Others may be in positions of oversight and are respected for that; but again in the strict Biblical sense, no man except her husband is that woman’s “head.”​—Ephesians 5:22-24.

Conversations in the workplace should always be edifying. When men resort to conversation that includes double meanings or sexual innuendos, they are not showing respect for women, neither are they enhancing their own reputations. Paul wrote to Christians: “Let fornication and uncleanness of every sort or greediness not even be mentioned among you, just as it befits holy people; neither shameful conduct nor foolish talking nor obscene jesting, things which are not becoming, but rather the giving of thanks.”​—Ephesians 5:3, 4.

Changing a job assignment without taking a woman’s feelings into account is another way of failing to show respect. Jean, a nurse, said: “It would be so nice if there could be some consultation before changes are made in our work assignments. Certainly it would be good psychology. Women need compassion and need to feel that they are of value and are esteemed.”

Another aspect of respect in the workplace is the barrier that some women call the “glass ceiling.” This means the “institutional biases that prevent women from getting senior managerial positions in private industry.” (The New York Times, January 3, 1992) As a result, a recent study in the United States showed that a low percentage of higher level jobs are occupied by women, ranging from 14 percent in Hawaii and 18 percent in Utah to 39 percent in Louisiana. If respect is shown, promotion at the secular workplace will not be based on gender but on ability and experience. Director for research Sharon Harlan said: “It’s getting better, but . . . there still are a lot of structural barriers in place for women.”

[Footnotes]

See The Watchtower of May 15, 1989, pages 10-20, “Showing Love and Respect as a Husband” and “. . . as a Wife.”

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RESPECT What Can Women Do?

● Have and maintain SELF-​RESPECT

● Make clear what you allow to be said and done in your presence

● Set proper boundaries of acceptable conduct and speech

● Do not try to compete with men in the field of obscenity and dubious jokes; it makes you less a lady and does not make them gentlemen

● Do not dress provocatively, regardless of what the current fashion might be; the way you dress shows your own degree of self-​esteem

● Earn respect by your comportment; treat men with the respect you expect from them

● Do not be flirtatious

RESPECT What Can Men Do?

● Treat all women with respect and dignity; do not feel threatened by an assertive woman

● Do not be overly familiar with one not your wife, using uncalled-​for terms of affection

● Avoid off-​color jokes and suggestive stares

● Do not be overly complimentary, and avoid inappropriate touching

● Do not belittle or undermine her work or her person

● Consult, listen, and communicate in an objective way

● Express appreciation for the woman’s work

● Help with domestic chores. If you feel that it is beneath your dignity, what about hers?

● If you are living with your parents, be sensitive to the pressures your wife bears. She is now your first responsibility and needs your support (Matthew 19:5)

Respecting Women in the Congregation

Respecting Women in the Congregation

FOR Christians the Bible establishes a theocratic chain of headship, with Christ in subjection to God, the man in subjection to Christ, and the woman in subjection to her husband. (1 Corinthians 11:3) However, this subjection does not imply dictatorship. Headship in the family is never established by violence, whether physical, psychological, or verbal. Furthermore, Christian headship is relative and does not mean that a husband can be a despot who considers himself infallible.a Knowing how and when to say “I’m sorry, you were right” could help many marriages to be mutually refreshing and long-​lasting. Yet, how easily those expressions of humility can choke in the throat!​—Colossians 3:12-14, 18.

In their marriage counsel, the Christian apostles Paul and Peter constantly bring us back to Christ’s example. Respect is earned by reason of a husband’s refreshing example as he imitates the model that Christ set, since “a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a savior of this body.”​—Ephesians 5:23.

Peter’s counsel to husbands is explicit: “You husbands, continue dwelling in like manner with [your wives] according to knowledge.” (1 Peter 3:7) A modern Spanish translation paraphrases these thoughts, saying: “Regarding husbands: show tact in your shared life, showing consideration for the wife.” These expressions imply many factors, including sensitivity in the marital relationship. A husband should not view his wife as just a vehicle for sexual satisfaction. One wife who had suffered from child abuse wrote: “I only wish you could say more about the support a husband can give to a wife who has had this experience. What most of us wives need to know is that we’re truly loved and cared for, not that we’re there just to satisfy some physical desires or as a housekeeper, with no emotional attachment.”b Marriage was instituted by God so that husbands and wives could be companions and helpmates for each other. It is a matter of teamwork and mutual esteem.​—Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 31:28, 29.

How a “Weaker Vessel”?

Peter also counsels husbands to assign honor to their wives “as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.” (1 Peter 3:7) What could Peter have meant by saying that the woman is “a weaker vessel”? Certainly, on an average, the woman is physically weaker than the man. The difference of skeletal and muscular structure accounts for that. But if we speak of inner moral strength, then the woman is by no means weaker than the man. Women have for years endured situations that perhaps most men would not tolerate even briefly​—including abuse by a violent or alcoholic spouse. And think what a woman endures in order to bear a child, including the hours of labor during birth! Any sensitive husband who has witnessed the miracle of birth must come away with increased respect for his wife and her inner strength.

On this matter of inner moral strength, Hannah Levy-​Haas, a Jewish inmate of the Ravensbrück Nazi concentration camp wrote in her diary in 1944: “One thing here upsets me terribly, and that is to see that the men are far weaker and far less able to stand up to hardship than the women​—physically and often morally as well. Unable to control themselves, they display such a lack of moral fibre that one cannot but be sorry for them.”​—Mothers in the Fatherland, by Claudia Koonz.

This experience serves to illustrate that there is no solid basis for discriminating against women just because they might be physically weaker. Edwin Reischauer wrote: “In modern times, it is generally accepted that women have more will power and psychological strength than men.” (The Japanese) This strength can be tapped in the Christian congregation when mature women may be able to help other women who are suffering severe emotional stress. Certainly, in some circumstances it is easier for an abused woman to turn to a mature woman for immediate relief than to a man. If the need arises, a Christian elder may be consulted for further guidance.​—1 Timothy 5:9, 10; James 5:14, 15.

The blanket dismissal of a woman’s reactions as being emotional, attributing them to “the time of the month” irritates many women. Betty, a practicing Christian, stated: “We know, as the apostle Peter wrote, that in certain respects we are the ‘weaker vessel,’ the feminine one, with a more delicate biological constitution. But that does not mean that a foreman or supervisor has to be condescending and paternalistic, attributing every female reaction to our monthly cycle. We are intelligent and want to be listened to with respect.”

Not all women are emotional, just as not all men are unemotional. Each person should be taken as an individual. Betty, previously quoted, told Awake!: “I don’t appreciate being categorized on the basis of gender. I have seen men weep and be subject to moods. And there are women who can be as hard as nails. So let men listen to us objectively without thinking of gender.”

What Is Needed for a Change?

If there is to be a change for the better, some say that it is not enough that women campaign for their rights and for justice; nor is it enough that men make some token gesture of respect for women. In every culture and setting, men must examine their role in the situation and ask themselves what they can do to make life happier and more refreshing for women.​—Matthew 11:28, 29.

Writer and poet Katha Pollitt wrote in Time: “Most men, of course, do not rape or batter or kill. But that doesn’t mean, as too many of them seem to think, that they have nothing to do with violence against women. Each of us in our daily lives helps shape the cultural images and assumptions that define the limits of the permissible. . . . I’m talking about men engaging in some serious self-​scrutiny, challenging their prejudices and privileges, taking their fair share of responsibility for the mess we are in.”

But even if men all over the world make a radical change in their attitudes toward women, it will still not be the complete solution to the injustices afflicting mankind. Why? Because men are inflicting injustices and barbarities not just on women but on their fellowmen. War, violence, murder, death squads, and terrorism are still the order of the day in many countries. What is needed is a whole new ruling system for the entire earth. And a new education for all mankind. And that is what God has promised by means of his Kingdom rule from heaven over earth. Only then will true justice and equity exist for all​—men, women, and children. Only then will true mutual respect exist between men and women. The Bible puts it this way at Isaiah 54:13: “All your sons [and daughters] will be persons taught by Jehovah, and the peace of your sons [and daughters] will be abundant.” Yes, proper education in Jehovah’s righteous principles will contribute to a new world of mutual respect.

[Footnotes]

See “What Does Subjection in Marriage Mean?” The Watchtower, December 15, 1991, pages 19-21.

See Awake! October 8, 1991, pages 3-11; April 8, 1992, pages 24-7.

[Picture on page 16]

Often a mature woman can give helpful counsel

[Picture on page 17]

Sharing domestic chores is one way a husband can show respect for his wife

Why Did Our Grandparents Move In?

Young People Ask . . .

Why Did Our Grandparents Move In?

YOU used to enjoy the privacy of your own room. Now you share it with a brother or a sister. You used to be able to invite friends over. Now you can’t because they ‘make too much noise.’ You used to have time for fun and leisure. Now much of that time is taken up with family chores. Your parents used to be relaxed and easy to talk to. Now they are touchy, on edge. Yes, your grandparents have moved in, and things are just not the way they used to be.

Not that you don’t love your grandparents. But getting along with them may not always be easy. You find yourself losing your patience, becoming annoyed over relatively trivial matters. A youth named Victoria put it this way: “Older people have a way about them. My grandmother will ask me to bring her a footstool, even though her wheelchair has one built into it. Or I’ll come home tired, wanting to lie down a while, and she will want to talk to me instead. My grandmother will talk while we are trying to watch television. If she does watch, she gets the details all wrong, and we have to explain them to her.”

If one or both of your grandparents have moved in, it is likely that you are experiencing some tension and turmoil yourself. Relax, though​—your family is not falling apart. It is merely adapting to a difficult situation. And you can do much to ensure your own happiness and peace of mind by (1) understanding and accepting your family obligations and (2) developing real “fellow feeling” for your parents and grandparents.​—1 Peter 3:8.

A Christian Obligation

Yours is not the only family facing this situation. In the United States, for example, most old people receive some measure of help and support from their grown children; relatively few elderly ones are placed in institutions such as nursing homes.a The Intimate Environment, by Arlene S. Skolnick, states: “The overwhelming majority of old people are in regular contact with their children, see them often, and turn to them in times of difficulty.”

While it is only natural to have a sense of obligation toward one’s parents, Christians have an even greater sense of obligation toward God. Said the apostle Paul: “If any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight. Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Timothy 5:4, 8; compare Mark 7:10-13.) Note that children and grandchildren are charged to share in caring for ‘their own.’

Jesus Christ himself set the example in this regard. Though dying a painful death on the torture stake, Jesus set aside his own concerns and made provision for the care of his aging mother, assigning his cousin John to care for her. Although John had important obligations as an apostle, he took Jesus’ mother to his own home “from that hour on.”​—John 19:26, 27.

Honoring one’s parents is therefore a Christian responsibility and a privilege. (Ephesians 6:2) A parent is not cast off because he or she has grown old or needs special care. (Proverbs 23:22) The Bible further tells us to treat the elderly with respect due to their wisdom and experience. (Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 16:31) Why, Jehovah himself deals kindly with older ones and continues to use them in his service!​—Compare Joel 2:28; Acts 2:17.

‘I Didn’t Think It Would Be So Hard’

In view of all of this, you may better appreciate why your parents invited your grandparents to live with you. At first you no doubt tried to be optimistic, or at least open-​minded, about everything. You knew you would have to make some changes​—even sacrifices. But you had always got along well with your grandparents, and you figured that this good relationship would continue. Now that they’ve moved in, though, you are finding the situation to be far more difficult than you ever imagined.

This is quite typical. In many lands three generations​—grandparents, parents, and children—​customarily live in the same dwelling. Caring for sick or disabled parents is a part of their culture and is not viewed as a severe hardship. But in Western lands, where families are generally used to living in their own separate homes, having elderly ones move in is often perceived as a major disruption. Be assured, though, that you are not the only one whose life has been turned upside-​down. Indeed, it may very well be that the situation is tougher for your parents and grandparents than it is for you.

The Stress on Your Parents

Consider first your parents. How do you think you might feel if you had to watch them grow old and deteriorate physically, mentally, and emotionally? How might it affect you if the ones you always depended on gradually became unable to care for themselves? Would that not be a painful, heartbreaking experience? Then you can well imagine how your folks feel at seeing this happen to their parents. Understandably, they may at times seem sad or on edge.

Your parents may also be finding that it is not always easy to get along with your grandparents. Older ones often revert to treating their adult offspring like small children. (In other words, you may not be the only one in the house who is ordered to ‘keep the noise down!’) Some old people tend to complain about their care​—at times accusing very dutiful children of neglect. Some also make a habit of vocalizing their opinions on child rearing, accusing their adult offspring of being too weak or too strict. Your parents may well know that your grandparents are not trying to be malicious or cruel. But having already sacrificed much in their behalf, your parents may bitterly resent any criticism from them. And when they react by dealing with your grandparents in a less than loving or patient way, they may feel guilty and angry with themselves.

Your parents may also be unhappy about the changes in life-​style they have had to make. The family budget may be stretched to the breaking point. If both parents work, the added demands of care-​giving may leave them weary, exhausted. They may also be forced to do without former avenues of relaxation and refreshment. And then there is the marital strain that can result from all of this, especially if one parent feels that he or she is carrying an unfair share of the care-​giving load.

The Grandparents’ Lot

The situation may be no less stressful for your grandparents. The Bible calls old age “the calamitous days.” (Ecclesiastes 12:1-7) It is calamitous, indeed, to watch one’s own health deteriorate. Add to that the stress of being suddenly thrust into new surroundings. Most elderly people prefer privacy and independence. Indeed, the book The Intimate Environment quotes two experts as saying: “Most elderly people want love and attention from their children, but not necessarily their help with money, housing, or other charitable gestures. Indeed, some prefer to do things for their children and grandchildren, rather than be on the receiving end of things.”

It is hard, then, for your grandparents to suffer the loss of their independence​—to be forced to become dependent on those who once depended on them. So do not be surprised if they are a bit difficult to deal with at times. And having enjoyed their own home​—and peace and quiet—​for many years, they may find it hard to be around exuberant teenagers. Loud music and conversation may upset them.

One thing is clear: Adapting to the situation is a challenge for everyone. However, other Christian families are facing similar difficulties and are dealing with them successfully. (Compare 1 Peter 5:9.) The key is that you strive to manifest “the fruitage of the spirit” and “the new personality” to an intensified degree! (Galatians 5:22, 23; Ephesians 4:24; Colossians 3:13, 14) Rather than pulling apart, pull together as a family. Our next issue will address some ways that this can be done.

[Footnotes]

At times institutionalized care is necessary. Even so, children should visit their parents regularly and support them as much as possible. See The Watchtower of June 1, 1987.

[Picture on page 20]

Your grandparents’ moving in may mean a loss of privacy

Why Is Golf So Popular?

Why Is Golf So Popular?

By Awake! correspondent in Hawaii

MANY golfers from Japan fly here to Hawaii in search of the perfect swing. In Japan membership in the most elite golf club may cost $1.5 million, which does not even include the annual dues. The average club membership fee is presently about $188,500! Thus, only 15 percent of Japan’s golfers play on a real golf course. Not content with hitting balls at local driving ranges, they come to Hawaii, where they are willing to pay as much as $100 for a round of golf​—and consider it a bargain.

Whoever it was that first hit a ball with a stick with the objective of putting it into a small hole in as few strokes as possible probably could never have imagined the kind of popularity and passion that this game would eventually generate. In Hawaii alone, there are 64 golf courses, among which is the Ala Wai, perhaps the world’s busiest. In the United States, where golf is a $20-​billion-a-year industry, 1 person in 10 plays at least one round a year, and there are 5.5 million people who play at least once every other week. It is no exaggeration to call it a boom, but why? What accounts for this popularity?

How It Began

Although no one is quite sure when or where golf got its start, it is known that a number of golflike games were played in Europe and Great Britain more than 500 years ago. However, it was in 1457 that golf was first mentioned as a game played in Scotland. The game, it appears, had become so popular that King James II felt the need to pass a decree to ban it so that his subjects could spend more time practicing archery, a skill needed for the defense of his kingdom.

By 1744 a group of Scotsmen decided that it was time to organize this game, give it a set of written rules, and establish a golf club. Thus came into existence the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers. Ten years later, another group of players at St. Andrews, Scotland, formed their own club, which later became known as the Royal and Ancient Club of St. Andrews, or simply the R. and A. It is considered by many the arbitrator of the rules and regulations for the game.

In its early days, golf was played among the hills and dunes close to the seashore. This was done for practical reasons. Sheep and rabbits kept the grass short. Natural sand traps were formed where sheltering sheep wore down the topsoil to the sand beneath. Only the royalty and the rich could afford the expense and time to travel to these links, as they were called. It was definitely not a game for the common folk. In fact, one had to be rich just to afford the golf balls.

The earliest golf balls were fabricated of bull’s hide, tightly stuffed with chicken or goose feathers and hand stitched. They were expensive to make and did not last long. It was the discovery of the resin from the Palaquium gutta tree from Malaysia in 1848 that made it possible for a new, cheaper ball to be manufactured. This made golf more affordable, and the game soon became popular.

Broadening Appeal

In addition to the falling cost of golf balls and clubs, a number of other factors contributed to the broadening appeal of the game. The industrial revolution allowed the common folk more time and money to spend on recreation. The developing railroad made travel to the golf courses easier and cheaper, and golfers could even travel to and play on different courses. The invention of the lawn mower made it possible for golf courses to be built where it was formerly considered impractical because of tall grasses.

People are attracted to golf for various reasons. It allows some the opportunity to enjoy the outdoors and to get a little exercise at the same time. For others it is a chance to get away from the stress and strain of their daily routine and find a little peace and quiet on the fairways and greens. Still others enjoy the social aspect of golf​—it is a game that people of different ages, backgrounds, and abilities can play together. And there is no violence attached to it.

Still, part of the attraction of golf lies in the friendly competition made possible by keeping score. Contrary to the way most other games are played, in golf the lower the score the better. There are several ways to keep score. In match play, the player who puts the ball in the hole with the fewest strokes wins that hole, and the player who wins the most holes in the entire course wins the match. In score play, the player with the lowest total number of strokes for the whole course is the winner.

With more people flocking to the courses, tournaments began to be held to determine who were the best players. At first, winners in the tournaments were awarded a medal. Later, prize money was added. Soon to come on the scene were the golf professionals, who made their living by playing from tournament to tournament and by representing a golf club as resident professionals.

The Fever Spread

In 1894 the U.S. Golf Association was established, and golf’s popularity skyrocketed in America. With the advent of international travel, golf fever spread to other parts of the world. In time, air travel made it possible to stage tournaments all over the world, and today satellite television coverage has brought the excitement, as well as the scenic beauty of world-​famous golf courses, into the living room. The golf boom has really taken off. And so has the size of the prize money; it grew from less than $10,000 per tournament in the 1930’s and 1940’s to well over $1,000,000 nowadays.

Since the game of golf goes hand in hand with a beautiful setting, it soon became the centerpiece of many popular vacation spots. To lure the tourist dollar, most of the world’s exotic resorts boast golf courses designed by architects. Real-​estate developers also recognize the profit potential by including first-​class golf courses as a prime attraction in their residential developments. Business Week magazine reports that 70 percent of the golf courses being built today are part of a real-​estate development.

Golf Hawaiian Style

Today, Hawaii is a golfer’s paradise with 61 more courses being planned. Even so, that may still not be enough to satisfy the demand, for as the present fitness-​conscious generation ages and finds sports like jogging, tennis, and racquetball a bit too strenuous, many of them are making the switch to golf.

For others golf is a good way to do business. The long walks or rides between holes allow plenty of opportunity for businessmen to make their deals. “It’s given me five hours with clients I never would have had before,” said a manager of a financial institution, who conducts most of her business on the golf course. Some even feel that it is a necessity to play golf well in order to advance and be accepted in the business world.

…