Awake!, February 8, 1985

Awake! — February 8, 1985

Source: jw.org

Contents

Page Two

Two-Income Couples—A Long History

Two-Income Couples—The Challenges They Face

Working Couples—The Key to Success

An Iron Lady Looks Down on Paris

From Death to Life in Dachau

Crossword Puzzle

Is It Normal to Grieve the Way I Do?

Dogs—Always Man’s Best Friend?

From Our Readers

Watching the World

What Do You Know About the Bible?

‘They Don’t Beat Around the Bush’

Page Two

In many places, a wobbly economy, rising material expectations, and numerous other factors have given birth to two-income couples. What challenges do such couples face, and how can such challenges best be met? Awake! now explores these issues

Two-Income Couples—A Long History 3

Two-Income Couples—The Challenges They Face 6

Working Couples—The Key to Success 9

Two-Income Couples—A Long History

RICHARD is not embarrassed to don an apron. Moving through the kitchen, he clears the table, sweeps the floor, washes the dishes—a picture of domestic competence. “It’s my turn to clean up,” he explains. “Carol’s catching a couple of hours of sleep because later tonight she has to go to work.”a

Richard and Carol share a life-style that in many places has become the rule rather than the exception: A two-income marriage. In the United States the number of wives in the labor force has virtually tripled since 1950. And according to recent estimates, more than three fifths of married couples in the United States have two incomes. Countries such as France, Australia, Canada, Belgium, Sweden, and Japan have followed a similar pattern.

Of course, readers in many so-called developing nations may wonder what all the excitement is about. For there, women have traditionally had a large share in earning income. (See page 4.) Nevertheless, the rise of the two-income family is somewhat of a phenomenon in the West. Why is this so?

“Economic Liabilities”

That men should be the sole breadwinners is not only peculiarly Western but quite modern. The book The Individual, Marriage, and the Family says that throughout most of human history “women have been full equals of men in providing for the economic needs of the family.”

The Bible illustrates how women in ancient times made their economic contribution. In Proverbs 31, the “capable wife” is described. Not only did she care for household duties but she also earned income. Purchasing property, farming, and manufacturing and selling clothing were some of her money-making skills. (Proverbs 31:16, 24) At Acts 18:2, 3 the Bible tells of a couple named Aquila and Priscilla who worked at the same trade together. Bible commentator Adam Clarke observes: “Women, even of the highest ranks, among the Greeks, Romans, and Israelites, worked with their hands at every kind of occupation necessary for the support of the family.”

For centuries men and women worked as economic partners. Work, however, centered around the home. Then came the industrial revolution, and men sought factory jobs in the big cities. This change from cottage industries and farming, though, put men in “jobs away from home—jobs whose demands did not include participation by wives or offspring.” What was the result? Women, say some, became “economic liabilities.”—Scientific American.

Industrialization nevertheless brought a measure of prosperity. And as the Western nations pulled out of a depression and a second world war, a middle-class (or even higher) standard of living became the eagerly sought goal of many families. And for a while high salaries, low prices, and easy credit allowed some men to provide their families with homes, cars—and even some of the astonishing array of new products and gadgets that were now dangled before them.

The middle-class dream, however, proved for many to be a subtle trap as inflation began its deadly spiral. As early as the 1960’s, says writer Marvin Harris, “parents were finding it increasingly harder to achieve or hold on to middle-class status.” To illustrate: In 1965 the average sale price of a new one-family home in the United States was $20,000. By the second quarter of 1984, the price had ballooned to about $100,000! The cost of food and clothing similarly went out of control. Wives thus began streaming to the job market in record numbers.

‘We Needed More Money’

Richard and Carol (mentioned at the outset) own a comfortable yet, by U.S. standards, modest home. But like many other couples they found themselves caught in the grip of inflation. Says Carol: “We simply needed more money if we were to pay our bills. I realized that Richard couldn’t make much more than he was already making. So I really had no choice but to get a full-time job.” No, the philosophy of the Women’s Liberation Movement has not been the main force propelling women into the job market. Asked why they both work, most couples will reply: ‘Because we need the money!’ (See page 5.)

Some women resent being uprooted from the home. “Working outside the home is killing me by inches,” lamented one woman. Yet there are many who welcome their jobs. “I love to work,” says another woman who manages a furniture showroom. “I just am not a housewife.” Skyrocketing divorce rates and the specter of widowhood have also had a share in luring women to jobs. “I would be very frightened not to work,” says one woman. “I lost my first husband when I was twenty-two . . . Now I always have in the back of my mind the thought that if Stephen died or ran off with some young thing I would be in a terrible predicament if I didn’t have a job.”

Still, for most couples, it is a desire to stay afloat financially that has made them two-income families. What, then, are some of the challenges they face, and how can they successfully meet them?

[Footnotes]

By “work” we mean paid employment outside the home.

[Box on page 4]

Working Women in Developing Countries

“Women in Southeast Asia boil palm sugar. West African women brew beer. Women in parts of Mexico and elsewhere make pottery. Women in most countries weave cloth and make clothes. Women in most cultures sell their surplus food in local markets. Profits from these activities generally belong to the women themselves.”—Irene Tinker in the book Women and World Development.

Take, for example, the Akan people of southern and central Ghana. Writes Rae André: “Women plant, men harvest; women trade in the market, men trade over longer distances. Traditionally, husbands and wives have had separate savings and investments and have been entitled to any profits made from their own labor or trade.”

The old way of life, though, is quickly changing as nations gear up for industrialization. The reason? Industrialists introduce not only Western technology but also Western culture. Typically, developers will teach new farming techniques to the men—even when farming is the domain of women. Factory jobs are likewise made almost exclusively available to men. What have been the effects of all of this?

Consider Indonesia. There the job of rice hulling was traditionally done by women. However, in the early 1970’s, small Japanese-built rice hullers were introduced, depriving women of their livelihood.

In the Guatemalan town of San Pedro, wives worked as weavers, while husbands were farmers and traders. Women there took what Dr. T. Bachrach Ehlers calls “fierce pride” in being economically productive. Suddenly, new weaving machines were introduced. But only men were extended the credit needed to purchase them. Women therefore lost control of the weaving industry and now work for the low wages paid by factory bosses.

In Kenya some women are left behind “on the family plot of land to scratch out a living for themselves and their children” as their husbands pursue salaried employment in the cities. When they eventually rejoin their husbands to live in high-rise apartments, they find, according to a Kenyan official, “nothing more than a place for people to commit suicide.” Why? “Kenyans,” he explains, “like to be on the ground; they like to have a piece of soil to call their own.”

In India women have traditionally had “low ritual status.” Thus the better-paying jobs are often viewed as inappropriate for a woman. (Even Gandhi, who spoke of the equality of women, once said that “equality of the sexes does not mean equality of occupations.”) Nevertheless, observes the book Women in Contemporary India, middle-class working women have now had “the opportunity to develop a taste for material goods.” Cultural and religious taboos may therefore give way to another earmark of Westernization—materialism.

Ironically, women in the Third World find themselves working harder than ever, but without the economic independence—or security—they once enjoyed.

[Box on page 5]

Why Both Work

United States: In one survey of 41,000 women, 82 percent of the women who held jobs said they did so because they needed money to cover their current expenses.

France: There, “more women work outside the home than in any other Western European country.” Some 84 percent do so “solely out of economic necessity.”

Canada: A study done by the University of Toronto revealed that “husbands of women who work full-time typically earn less than do other men. The median income among the men in families where the women work full-time was $18,240, compared to . . . $22,273 where the husbands are the sole breadwinners.”

India: Sociologist Zarina Bhatty says: “Women work because they have to, and not because they find in it the means for greater freedom, economic independence or self-expression.”

[Picture on page 5]

The industrial revolution took men away from the farms and gave them jobs in factories. Some felt that women became “economic liabilities”

Two-Income Couples—The Challenges They Face

“I FEEL the man should do the work, and he should bring home the money,” asserts one man. “And when he’s over working, he should sit down and rest for the rest of the day.” Yet, in spite of obviously strong sentiments, his wife works.

Many men are similarly caught in an emotional tug-of-war: economic need versus entrenched ideas about manhood. Observes sociologist Lillian Rubin: “In a society where people in all classes are trapped in frenetic striving to acquire goods, where a man’s sense of worth and his definition of his manhood rest heavily on his ability to provide those goods, it is difficult for him to acknowledge that the family really does need his wife’s income to live as they both would like.” Some men therefore become quite depressed, or hypercritical, grumbling that their wives have become too independent or that their home just isn’t as clean as it used to be.

And when a woman earns more than her husband or obtains a high-status job, what can result? Claimed Psychology Today: “For some underachieving husbands whose wives are overachievers, premature death from heart disease is 11 times more frequent than normal.” The Journal of Marriage and the Family further reported that where wives have ‘higher occupational attainment,’ “such marriages were more likely to end in divorce.”a

Wives, though, must at times fight their own battle with resentment. Though well knowing their husband’s economic plight, they may still wonder, ‘Why should I have to work? Shouldn’t he take care of me?’ Also, she may be plagued by what psychologist Dr. Martin Cohen calls the biggest source of stress among working women—“guilt over not doing enough—of not being as good a wife and mother as their mother was.”

Consequently, accepting the economic realities that force both husband and wife to become wage earners may be their first challenge. But, for sure, it will not be their last.

“Yours,” “Mine”—Whose?

Over a third of 86,000 women polled identified it as the biggest problem in their marriage: money! Said an article in the Ladies’ Home Journal: “The subject of money . . . turns otherwise sane men and women into raving lunatics.” Said one husband: “Our worst problem was money. Just the sheer lack of it, the total overwhelming lack of it.” True, a second income might ease this pressure, but often it also creates new problems.

Explains Ed, a young husband: “When we first got married, Ronda was making about the same amount of money that I was. And when she started making more money than I was, subconsciously I had this she’s-better-than-I-am feeling.” The second salary also seems to tip the “balance of power” more in favor of the wife. She may understandably feel she is now entitled to more of a say as to how the money should be spent.

Men, though, are reluctant to share this control. “He would make me tell him, every day, how much money I needed for that day,” recalls one wife. “And I really hated that.” A husband who is inept with money or who, worse yet, squanders their funds, heightens this resentment. Complained one Tanzanian woman: “The money is spent on drinking, not on us or on the children. We share the work, or do more of it, but he takes all the money telling us it is his—that he earned it.”

Coming up with an arrangement that satisfies both partners, though, is not always easy. Ed and Ronda, for example, agreed to put both their salaries into one bank account. “But when it came to spending,” recalls Ed, “her eyes were ‘bigger’ than mine. The more money she made, the more she spent.” And some wives would retort that it is their husbands who have the ‘big’ eyes.

Empty Refrigerators and Dirty Socks

“Role sharing.” It sounded great in theory. It was thought that when wives worked, husbands would naturally do their share of the housework.b Perhaps women could at long last enjoy the luxury of relaxing after a day’s work! But, alas, “role sharing” has thus far often proved to be mere theory!

Oh, men say they’re willing to help. In one survey, 53 percent of the men polled voiced no objection to pushing a vacuum cleaner. But how many actually did so? Twenty-seven percent. Their inaction spoke louder than their words.

Researchers in Canada similarly found that “in the families in which women have full-time employment, women still devote approximately three times as much time to housework and child care” as do their husbands. (Italics ours.) Nor is the picture much different in Europe or in the developing nations. Working wives are thus burdened with what amounts to two full-time jobs. No wonder, then, that the authors of Mothers Who Work say: “The most critical issue in working mothers’ lives is time.”

Mornings and evenings can be frenzied interludes for the working wife: waking and dressing the children, fixing breakfast, rushing the children off to school, heading for work—only to return to hungry children and a hungry husband who may have deposited himself in his favorite chair. Researchers call it “role strain.” She calls it sheer exhaustion. Says one woman: “My life is like a delicate well-built house of cards. One thing goes wrong and it all collapses.” And the larger a family is, the more strain the working wife is likely to feel.

‘Something’s got to give!’ a working woman may feel like shouting. And often what gives is the quality of her housework. Recalls one wife: “It got to a point in our house where there was never enough food in the refrigerator or no one could find any clean socks. My husband was getting angry with me, but I finally threw up my hands, sat down, and cried.”

Even the marriage itself can give. Said another working wife: “My husband and I both find that our relationship suffers not because of lack of love or desire, but simply because after the demands of work and the children have been met, there is often little energy left for each other.” So what is the answer? What is the key to success for working couples?

[Footnotes]

Some researchers believe that it is the fact that one’s wife works—not the amount of her salary—that triggers depression and loss of self-esteem in some men. One study even indicates that men can more readily accept a wife’s higher-status job if the job is one traditionally held by women.

Just what constitutes “housework” varies throughout the world. Here we mean the domestic tasks that have traditionally been performed by women.

[Blurb on page 8]

Working wives are burdened with two full-time jobs

[Picture on page 7]

It is difficult for some men to cope with the fact that their wives earn as much as they do or more

Working Couples—The Key to Success

NO DOUBT about it—when couples earn two incomes it can produce stress and strain. Couples are therefore wise to count the cost—financially, emotionally, and spiritually—when both mates work. (See Luke 14:28.) Nevertheless, when circumstances require that a family have two breadwinners, the problems that ensue are not insurmountable. Many couples are successfully overcoming them. The key to their success? Often it is to follow Bible principles.

The Bible’s advice never goes out of style. It can even help you cope better with today’s economic crunch. Long ago the Bible explained that “in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) Realizing this can prevent a man from feeling he is a failure when he has trouble making ends meet.

And if a family really needs two incomes, the Bible does not condemn the wife’s working. Indeed, it shows that woman was created to be “a helper” to man. (Genesis 2:18) So when a wife helps by way of earning needed income, a husband need not feel threatened by this. To the contrary, he should be moved to praise her for her efforts, as did the husband of the “capable wife.” (Proverbs 31:10, 28) What, though, about some of the specific problems working couples face, such as handling the money?

Money Problems

‘It’s not fair,’ grumbled one husband. ‘My money is the family’s money. Her money is her money.’ Does this sound familiar? Writer Susan Washburn notes: “Conflicts over monetary matters are often vehicles for expressing other tensions in relationships.”

For example, many couples spend hours debating what money is “yours,” “mine,” or “ours.” The problem here, though, is not a faulty budget but a selfish view of marriage. God declared that couples are to act as “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) When this principle is obeyed, will it really matter which funds are “yours” and which are “mine”? Indeed, Paul indicated that loving husbands and wives would only be “anxious” insofar as gaining one another’s approval!—1 Corinthians 7:33, 34.

Another problem in marriage that may manifest itself in the form of a “money fight” is a lack of communication. One wife complained: “We were operating independently of each other. We just never talked about what we were spending until the bills came. Then we wouldn’t talk, we’d fight.” Consider again, though, the Bible’s “one flesh” principle. Would this not also include communication? (Genesis 2:24) The Bible further tells us that “love . . . does not look for its own interests.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.

When married couples follow these principles, often any number of financial arrangements can work effectively. After sitting down and talking matters out, some couples decide that each mate should have a certain amount of money and be responsible for certain bills. Or they might try this couple’s method: “We put our money together, and the wife does the actual bookkeeping and paying of bills.” The success of any such schemes, though, will hinge not so much on their design as on the quality of a couple’s marriage.

Nevertheless, the book Working Couples warns of another potential hazard: “The problem, for many working couples, is that they start to think rich. Especially when the second income is new to them, it looks like a panacea for all their financial problems.” Two-income couples must therefore keep clearly in mind why both of them are working. Should it not be to provide for the family? (1 Timothy 5:8) The Bible cautions Christians against “the love of money” and encourages them to keep material expectations modest. (1 Timothy 6:7-10) Excessive spending is less likely to be a bone of contention when couples are not afflicted by material ostentation and “the desire of the eyes.”—1 John 2:16.

Who’s Washing the Dishes?

“Who notices a clean living room?” ask psychologists Marjorie and Morton Shaevitz. “Nobody. Who notices a messy living room? Everybody!” Yes, housework is indispensable, unavoidable—and, at times, unappreciated. Who is going to do it can therefore be a touchy question.

Usually the wife ends up doing the lion’s share of the housework. What, though, if she begins to resent this?a She might approach her husband and tactfully say, as did one woman, “Look, we have a little problem here.” Often men simply don’t know what is involved in running a household. Perhaps together they could outline what must be done, and what it would be nice to do. Perhaps some tasks are unnecessary or can be done less often. They can work out who does what, perhaps according to personal preferences or abilities.

But should a man do ‘women’s work’? According to the Bible, Abraham regarded it as no threat to his manhood to help his wife serve a meal to three important visitors. (See Genesis 18:6-8.) Husbands today are often similarly moved to help when they realize that there is a need. Says one husband: “I pitch in and help with the housework. I admit that at times I don’t really want to. But since we both work, I think it would be unfair of me to do otherwise.”—Compare Ephesians 5:28.

A problem may arise, though, if the wife expects perfection from her mate, forgetting he is but a novice at domestic chores. (“George! Don’t you even know enough to clean the sink when you’re finished with the dishes?”) Perhaps some patient assistance would be more productive.

Too, there is the matter of letting Christian “reasonableness” prevail. (Philippians 4:5) It simply may not be practical or possible to keep the home as spotlessly clean as it may have been before. “When I was home all day,” recalls Betty, a working wife, “it seemed as if all I did was clean.” But with her entry into the working world, standards of cleanliness had to be adjusted. “We still keep our home clean,” she said, “but it’s a bit more ‘lived in’ now.”

Real Security

These are but a few of the challenges two-income couples face.b Yet success is possible when couples follow the guidance of the Scriptures.

However, pressures will continue to be brought to bear. Then having secure jobs and adequate income may seem more important than ever. But, warns one Christian couple: “You can build up a false security in your job. You can figure, ‘Well, I’m working and my wife has a job and we can make things work.’ But that’s just a false security, because at any time your job can disappear. What you need to do is remember that Jehovah God is there to support you.”

Wise advice from a working couple who obviously have found the key to success: reliance on the God who promises he will never abandon those who trust in him.—Hebrews 13:5, 6.

[Footnotes]

For many wives, having a man do housework runs counter to culture. Many may thus not want their husband’s help. Said one French woman: “I don’t understand this idea about making men wash dishes. That isn’t a problem of life.”

Future issues will discuss some of the questions related to a wife’s working and the problems of child care.

[Box/Picture on page 10]

Should Children Help With the Housework?

Yes, according to Gloria Mayer in her book 2001 Hints for Working Mothers. “Make sure you have small, uncomplicated jobs for small children,” she suggests. “Even a child of four can do something to help. Usually they not only are delighted to do their part but feel left out if everyone has a job except for them.” And what are some specific tasks youngsters can be asked to do? Miss Mayer lists at least three: (1) “Simple laundry tasks related to their own clothes—sorting, putting away, etc.” (2) “Cleaning own rooms” (3) “Bed making, especially their own.”

[Picture on page 11]

Says one husband: “I pitch in and help with the housework”

An Iron Lady Looks Down on Paris

By Awake! correspondent in France

“BONJOUR, Pierre! Welcome to Paris! I hope you will enjoy your stay. What would you like to see first?”

“The Eiffel Tower!”

“That’s fine. . . . Here we are. Impressed?”

“I certainly am!”

“I’m not surprised. She’s enough to impress anyone! The old lady stands over 1,000 feet (305 m) tall, with her TV-antenna hat on.”

“But what on earth can such a colossal iron structure be used for?”

“That’s a question that calls for a few details. While we’re lining up for our elevator tickets I’ll give you a little background. About a hundred years ago the French authorities decided to organize an international exposition to commemorate the centennial of the French Revolution (1789). The local Paris authorities asked Alexandre Gustave Eiffel, a renowned civil engineer, for a suggestion. Taken by surprise, Eiffel delved into his files and came up with a project that had barely caught his attention until then, namely a 984-foot (300-m) iron tower.

“The Exposition Committee found the project interesting and organized a competition for building projects. All sorts of farfetched ideas were presented, such as a giant guillotine to commemorate the French Revolution. Another proposition was a masonry tower, but estimates and past experience showed that it would be very difficult to make a stone structure any higher than the 555-foot (169-m) Washington Monument that the United States had struggled to complete a few years earlier. Finally it was Eiffel’s project that was selected. But, curiously, the initial concept of the tower that made him world famous was not his own.”

“Do you mean that Eiffel didn’t design his tower?”

“That’s right. Although he built it, the tower was first designed by two of his associate workers, Maurice Koechlin and Emile Nouguier. It might be well to specify, however, that the feat of completing the tower in two years was only possible because Eiffel’s construction methods were applied, and that’s one reason why his project was chosen by the Exposition Committee.”

“Was Eiffel well known even before building his tower?”

“Indeed. He had become famous for his huge ironwork bridges, such as the Maria Pia Bridge over the Douro River at Oporto, Portugal. He had also completed the Garabit railroad viaduct in south central France, making it the highest arched bridge of the day, towering 400 feet (122 m) above the water. And it shouldn’t be forgotten that he had also played a major role in building the supporting iron framework for another world-famous monument, the Statue of Liberty.

“For all Eiffel’s structures, wind was the major problem. In building the Eiffel Tower, he resorted to his usual method, working with a network of relatively thin girders.”

“Are you sure there is no danger when there is a gale?” ventured Pierre apprehensively.

“Don’t worry! The huge latticed iron tower is not affected much by the wind. Even in gales of over 110 miles an hour (180 km/hr)—the strongest so far recorded in Paris—the tower sways only 4.7 inches (12 cm). Actually, it is more affected by the sun. The side exposed to the sun’s heat expands slightly, causing the top to move as much as 7 inches (18 cm).

“Yet, the tower is relatively lightweight. It weighed a little less than 7,700 tons (7,000 metric tons) at birth! To illustrate, a scale model measuring 12 inches (30 cm) high would weigh only a quarter of an ounce (7 g)! In fact, relatively speaking, the pressure exerted per square inch at each of its four foundations does not exceed that exerted by the legs of a chair occupied by an average man.

“In order to complete this tower in the allotted time, Eiffel made extensive use of prefabricated parts. Rivet holes were prebored at precisely the right spots, and two thirds of the 2,500,000 rivets were also fixed in advance. No prefabricated girder weighed more than three tons, making the work of hoisting the iron pieces into position much easier. Tall cranes were used to start with, and when the structure outgrew them, Eiffel’s ingenious mobile cranes took over. These moved up the ‘rails’ later to be used by the elevators. Such smooth-running operations contributed to safety, which was one of Eiffel’s major concerns. No fatal accident occurred during the entire construction period, a truly remarkable feat for back then—and even today!”

“But how did they manage to put it all up?”

“Well, let’s start at the bottom! Due to the proximity of the Seine River, Eiffel resorted to the method he had introduced for bridge building. Each of the 16 foundation caissons had a work chamber that kept water out by the use of compressed air. Thus workers were able to excavate and evacuate rubble and earth without being hampered by water seepage.

“Neither Eiffel nor his men were worried about the height of the tower, for they were used to hazardous working conditions. Paradoxically, one of the most critical problems for Eiffel was the first platform. Massive wooden scaffolding was used to support the four leaning piers and the huge girders of the first platform. The top of the four piers rested on sand-filled metal cylinders. By letting the sand out gradually, the piers could be lowered into position. Additional hydraulic jacks in the pier foundations allowed for the final adjusting of the four columns, thus aligning them with the iron frame of the first platform.

“Once this platform was perfectly horizontal, it was securely fixed to the piers, and the jacks were removed. Building work could then be resumed on the tower itself. Slowly but surely the work progressed, compelling an expression of admiration and astonishment by the Parisians observing the tower move skyward. Thus, on March 31, 1889, less than 26 months after excavation had started, Eiffel was able to invite a few of the more athletic dignitaries up the 1,710 steps to what he termed an ‘informal work-site fête’ to inaugurate the tower. But don’t worry, Pierre, we are going up by elevator!”

“Look. Here it comes! Are we going straight to the top?” asks Pierre excitedly.

“No, we have to change elevators on the second platform. Actually, even the second elevator does not go quite to the top, but we will be over 900 feet (275 m) up, and the view is magnificent. On a clear day, visibility may reach up to 40 miles (65 km). As you can see, on the first elevator we will be traveling up in the iron columns. This presented quite a problem, for it required a system that would allow for the elevator to negotiate the bend between first and second platforms. Only one firm, Otis, managed to solve the problem and was consequently chosen to make that elevator.

“Recently, the old hydraulic elevator was replaced by four modern electric elevators. Thus technology came to the rescue again, as it had done long ago; otherwise the iron lady’s graceful silhouette would now be sadly lacking on the Paris skyline.”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“I’ll explain. The original contract signed with Eiffel stipulated that the tower should be dismantled after 20 years. But in 1903 General Ferrié, a pioneer in wireless telegraphy, used it for his experiments. So the tower was retained for military purposes. In 1921 the first live radio broadcast came over the air transmitted from the Eiffel Tower. From 1922 on, regular programs were broadcast from Radio Tour-Eiffel. The tower has also been serving as a television mast for nearly 30 years and, with the antenna, it now measures 1,052 feet 4 inches (320.75 m). For over 40 years the Eiffel Tower was the world’s tallest man-made structure, until New York’s Chrysler Building surpassed it in 1930.”

“I wonder what the Parisians themselves think about the Eiffel Tower.”

“Opinions have differed over the years, varying from love to hate. As far back as 1887, a group of well-known writers such as Alexandre Dumas (son) and Guy de Maupassant, and composer Charles Gounod, signed a protest letter condemning what they called the ‘utterly ridiculous tower dominating Paris like a gigantic factory chimney.’ They added: ‘For twenty years we will have the sight of the odious shadow of the hateful column of iron and bolts extending like an ink blot over the entire city.’

“But such feelings have calmed down by now, and Parisians today accept the Eiffel Tower as a part of the Paris landscape. The iron lady has withstood the test of time, thanks also to the 57 tons of paint used for her facelift every seven years. In 1989 she will be celebrating her centennial.

“True, not everyone visualizes the Eiffel Tower as the poet did, who compared her to a ‘shepherdess’ amidst her ‘flock of [Paris] bridges.’ Nevertheless, just like you, Pierre, tourists from all over the world do literally ‘flock’ to see her—over three million people a year! Some go up for the view. Others are interested in buying souvenirs from the various shops, or they just want to send a postcard from the special post office on the first platform. Still others linger to enjoy a typical French meal in one of the restaurants on the first or second platform.”

“Thank you for the tour and for all those details. When I see my friends again, I’ll certainly tell them that I met a grand old lady nearly one hundred years old, still steady on her legs as she looks down on Paris.”

[Blurb on page 14]

Eiffel invited a few of the more athletic dignitaries up the 1,710 steps to inaugurate the tower

[Blurb on page 15]

The original contract stipulated that the tower be dismantled after 20 years

[Picture on page 13]

The latticed ironwork makes the tower light for its size

From Death to Life in Dachau

“Do not hate them. You will not hurt them. You will only harm yourself!”

THOSE words, spoken to me, a young girl, by a kindly woman in Dachau concentration camp during World War II, were instrumental in saving my life and sanity.

I was born in Moscow in 1926. My father was from Kiev and my mother was from Georgia. They were scientists attending Moscow University. Father fled from Russia in 1929 to live in Danzig (Gdańsk, Poland, today). I was brought up to speak only German and most of our friends were Jewish.

When Hitler began his reign of terror, Jewish families began disappearing from our neighborhood, especially during the night. The day the war started between Germany and Russia, our family also disappeared. Yes, we were taken away with only a few minutes to get dressed. Everything was left behind.

At the first interrogation camp, I was questioned repeatedly under bright light and beaten until I was black and blue. And to this day I do not think that they realized I could not answer their questions about my parents’ activities anyway. Why? Because my parents spoke Russian to each other, and I had never learned that language.

I never saw my father again after we were taken off the truck at that interrogation center. And in this year of 1985 I still have no idea if he is alive or dead.

Mother and I were next locked into a cattle train for four days. There was standing room only and no food, water, or toilet facilities. We had no idea of our destination—Dachau—that infamous establishment of torture and death!

After being tattooed, pushed, kicked, stripped of all our clothing, and made to run the gauntlet of baton-wielding SS men, we showered and were given striped clothes to wear. Then I was separated from my loving and beautiful mother and sent to barracks for children only.

Death—A Daily Experience

There I had my first experience with death. Each morning, adult male prisoners would remove the bodies of children who had died during the night, some from malnutrition, others from torture, and some because they were bled to death to provide transfusions for wounded soldiers. There was always a heap of bodies awaiting incineration. The ovens could not keep up!

And why did I not end up in the ovens? Well, it was decided that I was to be used for medical experiments. So I was first injected with some disease, then with an antidote. I was not much fun for my sadistic tormentors, however, because I had been brought up never to cry or show any emotion. So they eventually turned their attention to someone else.

It would be impossible for anyone who never experienced these things to understand the effect they had upon us mere children. We did not know whether we wanted to die or not. Some of us thought we would welcome death, but as children we were also afraid to die because of the burning hell that awaited us according to our former religious educators. But then we reasoned: ‘Surely, hellfire could not be worse than this!’

From time to time, prisoners were ordered to take communal showers, where the “water” turned out to be gas and the whole group would be executed. To this day I find it impossible to take a shower. If I try, I break out in a sweat and start to shake all over. At times, I looked forward to death so much that I would actually try to get into the shower ahead of others. But it seems that on the occasions when gas was used, I was pushed away.

“Do Not Hate Them”

It was at this time that I met Else. She talked to me about death, telling me that there is really nothing to fear. Else explained that when a person dies, he does not go to any hell of torment but simply falls asleep. Then, ‘in the morning,’ as it were, he would wake up and the earth would be a paradise. (Luke 23:43; John 5:28, 29) At that time, there would not be any pain, hatred, or racial discrimination—only joy and happiness everywhere. (2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:1-4) I believed her! Her words were like sunshine in my dark life.

Else risked her life to talk to me. She was very careful not to let the guards see us talking. Whenever an opportunity arose, we would hide behind the garbage heap and talk for a few minutes. She would tell me wonderful things from the Bible, things that made me long for the Paradise that God would give us. Soon, I no longer feared death but felt a greater acceptance of the conditions in which I found myself.

Else was of especially great comfort when my mother died. My mother was a strikingly beautiful woman, one who turned heads in the streets. This was too much of a temptation for the SS men, and so they used her for their sensual gratification. Night after night I was forced to watch as they inflicted their sadistic desires upon her until she finally was brutally murdered by torture and pack rape.

Being only 14 years old, I was very impressionable. Hatred was the natural reaction! But Else’s words still ring in my ears: “Do not hate them. You will not hurt them. You will only harm yourself!” This harmonized with Jesus’ statement about ‘loving our enemies and praying for those persecuting us.’ (Matthew 5:44) It is not that we have warm feelings toward such persons. Rather, we show love by excusing them for their actions as our persecutors.

Else also helped me to get a clearer view of God. I used to hate him because the SS had “God is with us” on their belt buckles. I would think of the torture, the sleepless nights, our being sprayed each week with insecticide, the bugs that would suck our blood, the rats that came to feed upon our living flesh at night, the stench of death that grew ever stronger, the ovens that worked overtime, the cold, the lack of blankets, and the obvious enjoyment others gained from our misery. If God was with them, I thought, then I wanted no part of him.

Shining Faith and the Lilac Triangle

Else helped me to understand that God was not responsible for what these sadistic men were doing. Rather, in his own due time, God would require an accounting. Then he would restore the innocent ones to full health and life, rewarding all those who placed their hope in him. She said that the god our tormentors talked about was not the true God, but one they had invented themselves, and that, if they thought they could receive any blessing from the true God, they were only fooling themselves.

Else also explained the reason for the world’s troubles, telling me that Satan is the ruler of this world and that God would use the Kingdom in the hands of His resurrected, glorified Son Jesus Christ, to rid us of the Devil. (2 Corinthians 4:4; John 14:30; Revelation 20:1-6) All those words were music to my ears and a source of strength in those sorrowful days. Else’s words and motherly kindness were, indeed, an inspiration to me.

The SS gave her a very hard time because she was a German national and yet would not succumb to the will of the Nazis. The SS seemed to take this as a personal affront and never missed an opportunity to impose some indignity upon her, all of which she bore with patience. I noticed that she had a lilac-colored triangle sewn on the arm of her uniform and wondered what it meant. After surviving my internment in Dachau I checked and found out that the triangle was reserved for Jehovah’s Witnesses. Yes, Else was a witness of Jehovah God.—Isaiah 43:10-12.

Poor Else! She was very thin, just like a skeleton. But there was something very special about her. I never learned her last name or found out where she came from, although she was so kind and special to me. I used to think that she was the kind of mother I would like to have. Some time after my mother was murdered, Else also disappeared, and I did not see her again. But I was never to forget the words she spoke or her spirit of quiet confidence.

Freedom to Find Life!

After four years in Dachau, my release came. Three days before the American forces arrived, the SS guards locked all of us in the camp and disappeared. Nobody was able to escape since the wires around the camp were electrified. When the Americans finally arrived, they started to feed us, but for many it was too late. Sadly, after having fought so hard for life, many apparently had just lost their will to live and succumbed to death.

Since I was of Russian nationality, I was handed over to the Russians. Now that I was 17 years old, I was told that I was to marry the commandant of the headquarters. But a colonel who had known my father at a university hid me under a blanket in the back seat of his car and smuggled me out of the barracks. I traveled by train to the Russian border and, just before dawn one morning, found a place where the guards were inattentive. On my stomach, I crawled across no-man’s-land, a distance of more than a mile. The American soldiers on the other side watched me crawling toward them. They picked me up and put me on a train to Heidelberg. Sitting opposite me was a Ukrainian man that I eventually married.

Conditions became unbearable, as the Russians were still trying to find me. They would even announce on the radio that my father was looking for me. But I was afraid to answer, thinking that it was a trick. Perhaps it was my father; yet I could not risk responding to those radio announcements. One day I was being followed by two communist agents. So I went into a department store and rode the elevator to the top floor. I met the manager, and when I told him what was happening, he hid me in his office until the agents went away. After that, my husband and I decided to emigrate to Australia, arriving here in April 1949.

A New Life and Renewed Hope

A new life then started. We were visited by a local priest, but I refused to attend church because of the things I had seen religious people do in Europe, and due to the fact that Else had shown me that the churches were not of God. I started to pray to God to find the truth and went to all the local religious people, asking them where they were going when they died. They all said “to heaven.” At that, I would pass along to the next church group.

A few days after I started praying, a young man knocked on my door offering me The Watchtower and Awake! “Are you going to heaven?” I asked. “No,” he replied. “I hope to live forever here on earth when it is transformed into a paradise.” Here at last was a person from the same people as Else! At last, this was the truth for which I had been searching since those days in Dachau. I was so excited that we must have talked for about two hours.

The Witness sent his aunt to see me the next day, and in just two days I virtually devoured the book From Paradise Lost to Paradise Regained. I then started reading the Christian Greek Scriptures, the so-called New Testament, and completed this in three days. How wonderful all this information was! The Paradise book and the Bible said exactly the same as Else had told me. Now, at long last, I had found her people—17 years after being released from Dachau!

As I look back on my life, I see the most important days as being those I spent in Dachau with beloved Else telling me of the wonderful hope in the Bible. Because of her efforts, I have been able to ‘pass over from death to life.’ (John 5:24) I now think appreciatively of those inspired words of Psalm 94:17, 18: “Unless Jehovah had been of assistance to me, in a little while my soul would have resided in silence. When I said: ‘My foot will certainly move unsteadily,’ your own loving-kindness, O Jehovah, kept sustaining me.”

And as I face the future, these words of Isaiah 41:10 strengthen me: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not gaze about, for I am your God. I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.” Thanks to the efforts of dear Else, Jehovah did indeed help me to find life in Dachau.—Contributed.

[Blurb on page 17]

Mother and I were locked into a cattle car for four days

[Blurb on page 17]

It was decided that I was to be used for medical experiments

[Blurb on page 19]

Else helped me to understand that God was not responsible for what these sadistic men were doing

[Blurb on page 20]

At long last I had found Else’s people

[Pictures on page 18]

Gas chambers and ovens in Dachau

Crossword Puzzle

Clues Across

7. Its Greek name is Gehenna [3 words] (Nehemiah 11:30)

9. Seventeenth letter of the Hebrew alphabet (Psalm 119:129-136)

10. A Netophathite, his sons were not taken captive to Babylon (Jeremiah 40:7, 8)

11. Cut grass (Psalm 72:6)

12. Geographical extremity of Moab (Isaiah 15:8)

13. Jeremiah warned against listening to these (Jeremiah 27:9)

15. “The truth will set you ----” (John 8:32)

16. He survived the Flood (Matthew 24:38, King James Version)

17. To put to test (James 1:13)

19. Extinct bird of New Zealand

21. A priest of David (2 Samuel 20:26)

22. Early morning light (Isaiah 58:8)

23. Site near which the Philistines captured the ark of the covenant (1 Samuel 5:1)

26. Abraham was the first one recorded to pay these (Hebrews 7:4-10)

27. The Messiah was foretold to be viewed as one (Psalm 22:6)

28. Sinning caused much pain to be associated with this (Genesis 3:16)

30. Father of Shuppim and Huppim (1 Chronicles 7:12)

31. God has purposed to have one at “the full limit of the appointed times” (Ephesians 1:9, 10)

Clues Down

1. Cities of refuge were provided to protect an accidental manslayer from this person [3 words] (Numbers 35:25)

2. In Hebrew it contains no vowels

3. Ritual

4. He was 600 years old before he saw his first rainbow (Genesis 9:12-17)

5. Selection (Acts 15:7)

6. Hamitic descendant of Mizraim (Genesis 10:6, 13)

8. “Look! A windstorm of Jehovah, rage itself, has gone forth, an --------------- tempest” (Jeremiah 30:23)

13. For capturing this Canaanite city, Othniel was given Caleb’s daughter as a wife (Judges 1:11-13)

14. Earlier than the present time (Hebrews 1:1)

18. A plant mentioned in reference to the scrupulous tithing of the Pharisees (Luke 11:42)

19. Selected as the apostle to replace unfaithful Judas (Acts 1:23-26)

20. A city of Judah located in the Shephelah, or lowlands (Joshua 15:33, 36)

24. The waters of this site in Moab were prophesied to become “sheer desolations” (Isaiah 15:5, 6)

25. Benjamites inhabited this town after returning from Babylonian captivity (Nehemiah 11:31, 34)

29. One of two women after whom Bible books are named (Matthew 1:5)

CROSSWORD SOLUTIONS PAGE 27

Answers Across

7. VALLEY OF HINNOM

9. PE

10. EPHAI

11. MOWN

12. EGLAIM

13. DREAMERS

15. FREE

16. NOE

17. TRY

19. MOA

21. IRA

22. DAWN

23. EBENEZER

26. TITHES

27. WORM

28. BIRTH

30. ADMINISTRATION

Answers Down

1. AVENGER OF BLOOD

2. ALPHABET

3. CEREMONY

4. NOAH

5. CHOICE

6. ANAMIM

8. ONWARDSWEEPING

13. DEBIR

14. AGO

18. RUE

19. MATTHIAS

20. ADITHAIM

24. NIMRIM

25. ZEBOIM

29. RUTH

Is It Normal to Grieve the Way I Do?

Young People Ask . . .

Is It Normal to Grieve the Way I Do?

MITCHELL’S father died in a tragic accident several months ago. Mitchell still misses him—a lot. He recalls how he felt the day his dad died.

“I was in a state of shock. That whole day, if nobody mentioned that my father had died, I wouldn’t have remembered. Even when I was telling others, I didn’t believe it. ‘It can’t be true,’ I kept telling myself. ‘Dad used to drive a truck for a living, hundreds of miles each week, through rainstorms and hailstorms, yet he always came home. It can’t be true.’”

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar. Someone you love has died—a parent, a brother, a sister, or a friend. You’d think that you’d feel sorrow and nothing else. But, frankly, you may feel a lot of things—from anger all the way to confusion and fear.

Then, along come well-meaning friends who add to your difficulties by telling you how to grieve: “Be brave and strong.” “You’ve got to be an example for others.” “Your mom [or whoever has died] wouldn’t want you to cry.” But try as you may you can’t hold back the tears. Or you keep the pain you feel bottled up inside.

Is there something wrong with you? To the contrary, feeling this way is quite normal. Even Jesus Christ, when he learned of the death of a close friend, “gave way to tears” and “groaned” inside. (John 11:33-37) Realizing that others have felt as you do may help you better to understand your feelings and deal with your loss.

Like a Bad Dream

At first, like Mitchell, you may feel numb. Perhaps deep inside you hope that it’s all just a bad dream, that someone will come and wake you up and things will be just as they’ve always been.

“It doesn’t seem real,” explains Brian, whose father died several months ago. “Having people say, ‘Sorry to hear about your father.’ It’s like it’s not really happening.” Cindy agrees. Her mother died of cancer. Explains Cindy: “I’ve not really accepted that she’s gone. Something will happen that I might have discussed with her in the past, and I find myself saying, ‘I’ll have to tell Mom that.’”

So right after someone you love dies, it’s normal to find yourself in a state of disbelief. God made man to live, not to die. (Genesis 1:28; 2:9) So it’s not surprising that the death of someone we love is so hard to accept and so easy to deny.

“How Could She Do That to Me?”

“It’s almost ridiculous to feel anger at someone who’s died,” explains 15-year-old Karen, “but when my sister died, I couldn’t help it. Thoughts like, ‘How could she die and leave me all alone? How could she do that to me?’ kept going through my head.”

So don’t be surprised if there are moments when you, too, feel a little angry with the person who died. For example, if it’s a parent who has died, you may feel deserted, abandoned, even though you know that your mom or dad couldn’t help what happened to him or her. Cindy recalls: “When Mom died, there were times when I thought, ‘You really didn’t let us know you were going to die. You just skipped out.’ I felt deserted.”

The death of a brother or a sister can stir feelings of anger for other reasons. Some find themselves angry at the departed one for all the pain that his or her death has caused the parents. Or some feel neglected, perhaps even a little resentful, due to all the time and attention that the sick brother or sister received before dying.

Sometimes parents become overprotective when they lose one of their children in death. That can make the surviving child a little angry at his departed brother or sister for making Mom and Dad do this. If this is the case now in your family, try to understand that your parents may blame themselves for what happened and thus are afraid of losing you too. So be patient with them.

If there are times when you feel angry, don’t keep it to yourself. Try confiding in someone you trust and respect. One of the best ways to deal with your feelings is to express them. Remember, prolonged anger can only harm you.—Proverbs 14:29, 30.

Beware of “if Only”!

Then, too, there are the “if only” thoughts, such as, ‘If only I had said this’ or, ‘If only I had not said that.’ Mitchell explains how he feels at times: “I wish I had been more patient and understanding with my father. Or done more things around the house to make it easier for him when he came home.” And 17-year-old Elisa observed: “When Mom got sick and died so suddenly, there were all of these unresolved feelings we’d had for each other. I feel so guilty now. I think of all the things I should have said to her, all the things I shouldn’t have said, all the things I did wrong.”

There may be times when you feel the same way. Perhaps you had an argument with your loved one before he or she died. Or you may at times have resented your brother or sister for getting more attention than you, and now that one has passed away. The guilt you feel can be most difficult to deal with.

You may even blame yourself for what happened. Cindy recalls: “I felt guilty over every argument we ever had, over all the stress I caused Mom. I felt that all the stress I caused her could have contributed to her illness.”

Realize, however, that although there may well be things you should or shouldn’t have said or done, in the overwhelming majority of instances those are not the reasons your loved one died. Besides, as the Bible reminds us: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body.” (James 3:2) Isn’t it true that we all say things we later regret? “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” the Bible further tells us. (Romans 3:23) So, yes, there are no doubt things that you did or failed to do that you now feel guilty about. But, in all honesty, being imperfect, aren’t we all guilty of that?

“What Do I Tell My Friends?”

There may also be times when you feel embarrassed, not knowing what to tell others. As one widow observed regarding her young son: “Jonny resisted talking about his feelings, but he managed to tell me how he hated to tell other children that his father was dead. It embarrassed him and it also made him angry, just because he was embarrassed.”

Are there times when you feel isolated now that you’ve lost a loved one in death? This is not at all uncommon, as the book Death and Grief in the Family explains: “‘What do I tell my friends?’ is a question of supreme importance to many siblings [surviving brothers or sisters]. Frequently, siblings feel that their friends do not understand what they are experiencing. Attempts to share the import of the loss may be met with blank stares and quizzical looks. . . . Consequently, the bereaved sibling may feel rejected, isolated, and, at times, even freakish.”

‘Why do others react like that?’ you may wonder. Well, try to understand that death is a trying experience for everyone. Sometimes others don’t know what to say and so don’t say anything. Your loss reminds them that they, too, can lose a loved one. Not wanting to be reminded of that, they may shy away from you.

As the weeks and months pass, no doubt the reality of your loss will slowly set in. As that happens you may tend to keep your feelings bottled up inside because you’re afraid your parents or others won’t understand. It’s important, though, that you learn to deal with your feelings. How you can do so will be discussed in a future issue of Awake!

[Picture on page 23]

“This isn’t really happening to me!”

Dogs—Always Man’s Best Friend?

“Killer Dogs Tear Gardener Apart”

‘Dog Attacks and Kills Girl’

“Dog Kills Baby”

HEADLINES such as these suggest that a dog is not always man’s best friend. However, as the crime rate soars, so does the demand for dogs to protect individuals and their property.

In the three cases cited above, there was no provocation on the part of the victims to give rise to such vicious action by the dogs. In view of such unwarranted attacks, it is appropriate to ask: Is it wise or safe to keep a dog? What makes some dogs turn vicious? How should one deal with dogs?

Why Some Dogs Become Aggressive

Most authorities on dogs agree on two basics: (1) Almost all dogs have a protective instinct, and (2) this instinct may be enhanced to a high degree of efficiency by expert dog trainers. A dog is born with a certain temperament, but this may change, depending on the way it is raised and trained. With training, a special relationship develops between the owner and the dog. Almost as though having a sixth sense, his canine friend learns to discern what pleases or displeases his master and is quick to respond to his moods.

For example, one trainer commented that a nervous or bad-tempered person could hardly expect to have a calm, even-tempered dog. Owners with prejudice against a certain race or social class may even transmit this to their animal. In his book O CÃO em nossa casa (The Dog in Our House), Théo Gygas observed: “Finally, whatever the nature of the person, he should not try to inculcate in a dog qualities that he himself does not possess. With its extremely delicate sensibilities, the dog adopts with ease its master’s temperament, reflects perfectly his mental state, just like an antenna that captures radio waves.”

This, of course, does not entirely explain away the question of why some dogs suddenly become overly aggressive without having shown this trait previously. One trainer says: “Like humans, dogs, too, make mistakes. They misinterpret.” To illustrate: A TV-repair-shop owner kept his dog in the store for protection and it worked well for several months. Then, one day the owner bent over to pick up a tool. The dog misinterpreted the move and sprang on its owner.

There are those, too, who believe that this sudden viciousness may be a carryover from the dog’s supposed ancestor, the wolf. Others feel that it may be due to a change of owner or of environment. Whatever the reason, if you have a dog or are thinking about getting one, you can rest assured that the examples quoted at the outset are the exception. You and your children can still enjoy the pleasure and companionship of a dog.

Three Stages of Training

Basically, training falls into three categories, the first and simplest being the teaching of manners. This would include teaching the dog to come when called, to sit down, to lie down, to fetch objects, and to jump over obstacles. It would also include some DO NOTS: not to jump up on people, not to chase cars, not to run after the neighbor’s chickens and maul them, not to accept food from strangers, and, of course, not to mess up the house. Learning these simple manners will make life safer for the dog and more enjoyable for its owner.

Progressively, the dog should receive obedience training. This would include teaching it to perform useful services, such as watching over certain items, giving the alert if an intruder enters the property, and also to “come to heel.” The dog’s protective instinct should also be developed to give assistance and protection to its owner and to his family when needed.

This early training can often be done by the owner himself with the help of a training manual. It requires much patience, however, coupled with a good understanding of the dog’s temperament, capabilities, and reactions. Commands should be given firmly but never with shouts.

It has been said that dogs are the only animals that will learn to obey in exchange for mere praise and petting. From the very first day of his training, he will thrive on praise and will soon learn that a warm pat on the head with the words “good dog!” go hand in hand with his obedience. Some dog trainers suggest using a tightly folded newspaper when training a pup. It can be used to slap the floor for attention or, if some correction is needed, to tap the dog’s rear without doing any harm. Training takes time. But as one trainer observed, “A dog owner should take the time and effort to train his dog or else pay a professional to do it.”

…

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Awake!, February 8, 1985