Awake!, January 22, 1985

Awake! — January 22, 1985

Source: jw.org

Contents

Page Two

Child Molesting—Every Mother’s Nightmare

Child Molesting—‘Who Would Do a Thing Like That?’

Child Molesting—You Can Protect Your Child

How Much Is Too Much?

The River That Falls From the Sky

Filters Tell a Deadly Tale!

How Can I Satisfy My Parents?

“Jehovah Will Give Increase”

Door-to-Door Evangelism—How Effective?

Seeking the Causes of Death, I Found Life

From Our Readers

Watching the World

Can You Read the Future?

Can You Pass This Survival Test?

Page Two

Child molestation, a growing horror! Although the cases number into the scores of thousands yearly, one child welfare league calls the figures “only the tip of the iceberg.” Who would stoop to such depraved and cowardly immorality against helpless children? Strangers, yes, but much more often the abusers are relatives of the victims or friends of their family. What steps can parents take to protect their children? This opening series reviews the problem and offers suggestions

Child Molesting—Every Mother’s Nightmare 3

Child Molesting—‘Who Would Do A Thing Like That?’ 4

Child Molesting—You Can Protect Your Child 6

[Picture Credit Line on page 2]

Photos of Angel Falls courtesy of Venezuela Government Tourist Office

Child Molesting—Every Mother’s Nightmare

FOR the young mother, it was a nightmare come true. When her four-year-old daughter complained of abdominal pains, she took her to see a doctor. The doctor, after a thorough examination, gravely told the mother that her little girl was the victim of sexual molestation. She had been raped. The mother informed the New York City authorities, who quickly determined that the abuse occurred at a Bronx, New York, day-care center.

Investigations at the center yielded horrifying results. First one, then another, then still another child revealed that they, too, had been molested. At least 30 children eventually claimed that they had been abused in that same center. One of them had gonorrhea. Then reports surfaced that children had been molested at another day-care center. Then at another. Eventually seven day-care centers had to be investigated in the New York City area alone.

As each new case was publicized, reports of child molesting started coming in from other parts of the country. The scandal spread. Parents asked one another: “What’s happening?” What indeed! Was this just a freakish rash of molestation incidents? Or was it something very widespread that was only now being noticed?

A Widespread Problem

The fact is, sexual molestation of children has been going on for a long time and today it is widespread. In 1983, the head of New York City’s Advisory Task Force on Rape reported ‘a dramatic increase in the number of young children who are victims of rape, incest, and other forms of sexual abuse.’ Dr. David Finkelhor of the Family Violence Research Program at the University of New Hampshire conducted a large-scale study of the subject. He found that the children of 9 percent of the parents interviewed had been sexually abused. Fifteen percent of the women and 6 percent of the men had themselves been sexually abused as children!

Exact statistics are difficult to come by. In the United States, the National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect has records of 55,399 cases of children being sexually molested in one year. But these are only cases of incestuous abuse. Abuse by friends, neighbors, teachers, and so forth—as well as by strangers—would increase that figure to a considerable extent. And a spokesman for the Child Welfare League of America told Awake! that “the figures we have are only the tip of the iceberg.”

A report in the magazine Ladies Home Journal estimates: “Sexual abuse of young girls is four times more common than rape of adult women. Between the ages of five and 13, one in four little girls falls prey to some form of sexual abuse by adults—whether it be exhibitionism, inappropriate fondling, rape, or incest. Although young females are the most common victims, 20 to 25 percent of those attacked are little boys.”

Doctors are convinced of the harmful and long-term effects of such abuse. Hence, parents wonder: ‘Are my children at risk? What steps can I take to protect them? What sort of person would try to harm them?’

Child Molesting—‘Who Would Do a Thing Like That?’

MOST parents would answer this question wrong. When we think of sexual molestation, most of us probably picture a weird stranger who exposes himself to children or lures them away into a car or to some wooded area. Publicity has also been given to groups that lure children away to exploit them for pornography or child prostitution. Such things do happen, but these people are far from the usual type of child molester. So who are the usual child molesters?

Sue was molested by a man who was running a church group. He ran a youth club, and everybody agreed that he was very pleasant. But he sexually abused Sue and other girls. Another young girl wrote to an advice column to tell that her favorite uncle had taken to pulling her onto his lap and fondling her improperly. One man remembers that as a boy he was habitually abused by the grown son of a close family friend. An 11-year-old boy was molested by the aunt that he lived with. A New York woman reports being molested by her grandfather when she was seven years old. A 15-year-old boy was molested by his doctor during a medical examination. For Pam, it was even worse. For many years, her own father molested her. And Mary was molested by two older brothers and an older first cousin.

In fact, probably less than a third of sexual assaults on children are committed by strangers. Usually the victim knows the assailant. Often the abuser is a relative. Thus, in most cases children are molested by people they know and trust, which makes the problem of protecting them more difficult.

The Molester at Work

Many parents have another misconception. They envision molestation as being violent, with the child fighting and screaming for mercy. This may not be the case at all, at least not in the beginning. At the outset, sexual abuse may be disguised as playful or affectionate contact, and go on from there. The abuser is likely to persuade and pressure the child, using all the built-in authority of an older person. Do you remember what it was like when you were a child and were trained to obey adults even when they told you to do things you did not like, such as go to bed early or eat all your vegetables? Molesters take advantage of this training. One convicted abuser said: “Show me an obedient child, and I’ll show you an easy victim.”

One child was receiving obscene phone calls. When asked why she had not put the phone down, she said she thought it was rude to do that when someone was still talking! A woman of 30 remembers having been approached at the age of 5 by her grandfather. He said to her: “Good girls do this for Grandpa and never tell their mothers.” How many five-year-olds would be able to see through such a deception?

And do you remember how you loved presents and treats as a child? Abusers often use this childish trait to get an abusive relationship started. For example, what would your child do if the school janitor said: “Stay with me for a while in the office after school, and I will give you some money”? or if the baby-sitter said: “I will let you sit up late and watch television, if you do something for me first”?

She was molested by her minister

Sometimes molesters misuse a child’s natural love of secrets. Wasn’t it exciting, when you were young, to have a secret? One little girl had a secret that she kept from her parents. But one day her parents saw her acting in a precocious, sexual manner. When asked where she had learned such a thing, the little girl said: “It’s a secret.” Her father explained that sometimes we should not keep a secret, so the little girl revealed her secret. A 40-year-old man with a family of his own, who was a close family relative, had pushed her down and sexually assaulted her.

Finally, threats may be involved, subtle threats that strike at a child’s sense of security. A grown woman tells of having been abused by her stepfather when she was a child. She says he abused her for four years, starting when she was six. Why did she not tell her mother? “He said that if I ever told anybody about it, the police would come get him and my mother would lose her job. The family would starve and it would all be my fault.”

Author Gail Sheehy covers many of these points in the following observation: “We forget how grownups seemed omnipotent to us when we ourselves were children.” She adds: “It is very easy for a parent or babysitter to initiate sexual activities under the guise of normal bathing and hygiene inspection. The child gets the message something is wrong only when secrecy is introduced: ‘Don’t tell your mommy that we did that’—and sufficient intimidation can be laid in with a single stroke—‘or she won’t love you anymore.’” Would your child be able to withstand that sort of psychological blackmail?

The Child’s Best Defense

So you see, molesters can be the most unexpected of people and they can use sophisticated and cunning tactics. Child molestation is probably almost as old as history. But as this generation progresses, and more and more people are “lovers of themselves, . . . having no natural affection, . . . without self-control,” the threat is becoming greater. (2 Timothy 3:1-3) However, children do have one very strong defense. What is that? Their parents. These are the adults best able to protect them from other adults who may wish to molest them. Let us see how.

Child Molesting—You Can Protect Your Child

A YOUNG woman who was molested as a girl by her brother and her brother-in-law says: “I was afraid, so I did not tell anyone. For this reason, I would like to warn all parents: ‘Please teach your children not to let anyone in the family, or outside the family, put their hands on them in any wrong way. If anyone tries to, do not be afraid to tell on them.’” She adds: “It can happen to any child at any time!”

In this degenerating world, we must take definite steps to protect our children from sexual molestation. It is not wise to leave things to chance and just hope that nothing will happen.

The First Line of Defense

The first line of defense is to avoid situations that leave our children vulnerable. For example, parents are advised to be careful about using as baby-sitters young adults who seem to prefer being with children rather than with folks their own age. One clinical psychologist reports that two thirds of the molesters he is treating committed the offense while baby-sitting.

Dr. Suzanne M. Sgroi mentions two more situations that have led to trouble: Children doubling up (in beds or rooms) with adults or teenagers, and large family gatherings where the grown-ups get involved in enjoying themselves and just assume that the older children are taking care of the young ones.

The truth is, the more we can keep our children under our own supervision, the less opportunity molesters will have to get at them. Ann, a mother of three, goes to the extent of not allowing her youngest child, a 14-year-old boy, to wander around the shopping mall—or even to go into public rest rooms—alone. The boy probably finds this very restrictive, but his mother has her reasons. She was molested as a child.

However, parents cannot always keep such a close watch on their children. Working parents may have no choice but to use day-care facilities or to leave their children with relatives or baby-sitters. Children have to go to school, and parents cannot always be with them. Relatives and friends come to visit. And then there are the neighbors! How can we protect our children when they are so vulnerable? Really, there is only one way—

Talk to Your Child About the Danger

Psychologist Debrah Shulman said: “It’s foolish to pretend to children that dangers do not exist. Children are aware of their vulnerability and are naturally concerned about their own safety. It’s part of a parent’s job to give them the tools to deal with danger realistically. If presented honestly and positively such information will not threaten children, it will reassure them.” Yes, we have to talk to them about it.

This is easy to say but not so easy to do, especially since the greatest danger is from friends and relatives. We may already have warned our children against the stranger who wants to lure them into the woods or carry them away in a car. But how can we give them “the tools” to protect themselves from ones they know, respect, and even love?

Follow Their Instincts

Ann, the mother referred to previously, reports that she was only five years old when a male relative molested her. Nevertheless, she knew that he was doing something wrong, although she did not know how to stop him. And, unhappily, she could not talk to her parents about it. The lines of communication were not very good at that time.

Ann’s experience demonstrates that children usually have a natural sense of what is fit and proper. We have to reinforce this instinct, tell them that they should obey it even if an adult tells them differently. A simple and determined “No, I don’t want you to do that!” is often enough to deter a molester. Ann’s experience also shows the need for open lines of communication with our children.

Recently a husband and wife were discussing this problem between themselves. Becoming concerned, they asked their child if she had ever been molested. To their horror, the child said yes. An old and trusted friend of the family had repeatedly done so. The family had excellent communication with their children, so why had the child not said something before? Simply because she did not know how. Once the subject was mentioned, the child was more than willing to discuss it.

How Can We Tell Them?

First, we have to bring the subject up. One suggestion is that if ever a scandal is reported in the news, parents could use it as an opportunity to ask their children: “Did anyone ever do anything like that to you?” and then go on to tell them how to act if anyone tries to.

Parents who teach their children about the Bible can use parts of it as a starting point. They can use the story of Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, to explain the boundaries that exist in what one person may do to another. (Genesis 34:1-4) The story of Tamar and Amnon can be used to show that there are things that even close relatives are not permitted to do to each other. (2 Samuel 13:10-16) And we should make sure they understand that if something like that does happen to them, we want to know about it. We will not get angry with them if they tell us.

Mary was molested when she was a little girl, so she made very sure to put her three daughters on guard against molesters. How did she do it? As soon as they were old enough to understand, she told them: “If anyone touches you in the wrong place, tell me and I will not be angry.” How would they know where the wrong places are? Mary says that when they were about three years old she showed them. When she was bathing them or getting them ready for bed, she pointed out the parts of their body that other people should not touch. As they got a little older, she presented situations: “Nobody should touch you there, even if it is a schoolteacher or a policeman. Not even Mummy or Daddy should touch you there. And a doctor should only touch you there if Mummy or Daddy is with you!”

“If anyone touches you in the wrong place, tell me”

Did this work? Mary remembers one occasion when a relative was playing with her six-year-old daughter. The things the relative was doing started to make the little girl feel uncomfortable. What did she do? She just walked away from him. Mary is not sure whether the relative had bad intentions or not. But she is delighted that her daughter was able to walk away from the situation when it started to feel “not right,” or “strange.”

Hence, just as parents warn their children against going off with strangers, playing in a busy street, and putting their hands on electric wires, they should also tell them about avoiding molestation. They should explain the boundaries on their bodies that others—even their own parents—should not transgress. They should clearly state that if something does happen, they want to know about it. And they will not blame the children.

The “What if . . . ?” Game

Sometimes adults will use their greater experience and intelligence to deceive children into joining them in some inappropriate activity, and children may not spot the deception without help. So Linda Tschirhart Sanford, author of the book The Silent Children, suggests a tool that could be used to counter this in advance: the “What if . . . ?” game. From time to time, ask the children what they would do in certain situations: “What if the baby sitter said that you could stay up late watching television if you got in the bathtub with him and played games? What would you tell him?” “What if someone you knew took you for a ride and wanted to put his hands where he should not? What would you do?” “What would you do if an older friend touched you in a way you did not like, or wanted to undress you and play a secret game with you?”

In teaching the child how to answer, parents can show that there are occasions when they can say no to an adult. There are also occasions when they should reveal secrets. If they are trained to say things like “I will just go and ask Mummy first,” they will be able to discourage most potential molesters. If the child learns the right answers in the “What if . . . ?” game, it is gaining some good tools to protect itself. If it gives a wrong answer, well, go back over the question and suggest a different answer.

Give Them the Words

The following experience shows another problem that children face in the matter of molestation: A woman relates that she was abused as a child and tried to tell her mother about it. But she did not have the right words and could not explain what had happened. Her mother thought that someone was just trying to be affectionate and that the little girl had misunderstood the situation and blown it out of proportion.

Because of similar experiences, social workers encourage parents to tell their children the right names for parts of their bodies. Give them the vocabulary to express themselves in case the worst happens.

Tell children the right names for the parts of their body

Alert but Balanced

One of a parent’s worst nightmares is that their child might be sexually molested. However, we need to remember that most adults are not going to molest our children. Most of our relatives love them and would be as concerned as we are to protect them from abuse.

On the other hand, it can happen. And merely hoping that it will not happen is not enough. The Biblical proverb says: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself.” (Proverbs 22:3) Hence, it is wise to be cautious, especially in view of the times we live in. If we avoid, to the extent possible, putting our children in situations that leave them vulnerable, if we explain to them the boundaries that even adults are not to cross, and if we teach them how to react in case any adult should try to cross those boundaries, then we are doing a lot to protect our children from the molester.

If the Worst Should Happen

No parent can give a child complete protection against sexual molestation, although taking sensible precautions will enormously reduce the possibility that anything will happen. However, if parents have established good family communication, it may be that children will talk about it in the event that the worst should happen. Sometimes, though, children are so shocked by or ashamed of the experience that they will not discuss it. Hence, parents need to be alert. Here are some signs that researchers say may show that something has happened.

Be suspicious of any changes in the normal routine. In one case, a teacher asked that certain children come to school long before others. Watch for any telling signs in children such as declining grades or extreme anxiety around a specific adult. One woman who was victimized by her brother and her father as a girl said: “I came at the bottom of a class of 42, and nobody tried to find out why.”

Pay attention to physical symptoms, such as headaches, vomiting or loss of appetite, and difficulty in sleeping. Genital complaints, such as soreness, are particularly important. Be aware of precocious sexuality in language, dress, or behavior. Be on the lookout for sudden changes in behavior that might indicate a problem. If a child becomes unusually withdrawn or shows an inclination to avoid one member of the family, a warning bell should sound. We also have to listen for the oblique messages that our children send us. The statement, “I don’t like that math teacher any more” may be the child’s way of trying to broach this difficult subject.

If parents see anything like this in their child, they should try to find out what is wrong. The child has a problem, and it may be a problem of molestation. If so, the child needs help. Unfortunately, many children do not get that help. Molested children have been accused of inventing the incident, although researchers assure us that children rarely, if ever, invent such things. Incest has been covered up so as not to break up the family.

However, if molestation—and especially incest—is discovered to have occurred, two things must be done immediately:

First, the child—and other children too—must be protected from any further abuse. This must be done, whatever the cost. In many cases the accused molester will have to be confronted. But whatever it takes, it is important that the child should feel confident that the molester will never be able to get at her (or him) again.

Second, the child must be given a lot of love and emotional support. Parents must make it very clear that the little victim is not to blame. The crime and anything that happens as a result of it—even if a close relative goes to prison—is not her (or his) fault. But that reassurance will have to be given many times, so that the victim comes to believe it—and to believe that the parents believe it too!

How Much Is Too Much?

ALCOHOL can be good or very bad. It can make you glad or very sad. It depends on where it goes and how much gets there. A little wine can be good for your stomach and make your heart glad. (1 Timothy 5:23; Psalm 104:15) Too much can make you miserable all over—and make those around you miserable too!

In moderation, a cocktail, wine, or beer can relax you and temporarily relieve anxiety, raise your spirits, and make you a more sociable companion. It may even offer some protection from heart attacks, since it relieves stress and raises your HDLs (high-density lipoproteins). But even small amounts of alcohol slow your reflexes, so it is unwise to drive a car after even moderate drinking. And it is loaded with calories, so it is not very compatible if you have a weight problem.

Let’s follow your cocktail as it travels through your body. It does not tarry long in an empty stomach, and in the intestines the alcohol quickly passes into the bloodstream. The blood carries it to the liver, where it is broken down and excreted, thus removing it from the bloodstream. In this way the liver can handle in an hour the alcohol in one cocktail, one glass of wine, or one can of beer.

Drink more than that in an hour, and the alcohol remains in the blood and is carried to the brain. There, a little can make you more sociable, too much may make you obnoxious. If five hundredths of one percent of your total blood volume is alcohol, you will be tipsy; ten to fifteen hundredths will make you officially intoxicated. Toxic is in that word “intoxicated” and means poisons are in your body.

Now, what does this excess of alcohol do as it travels through your system? First stop is your stomach. There it can erode the mucous coating that protects the lining of your stomach from stomach acid. It can also make your stomach produce more acid.

Alcohol takes water out of your body cells. Excessive amounts of alcohol dehydrate the liver cells and eventually destroy them, resulting in cirrhosis. The damaged liver can no longer supply sufficient sugar to the bloodstream, opening the way for hypoglycemia. It becomes less and less efficient in removing alcohol from the blood. Then the alcohol goes throughout the body, dehydrating and killing cells everywhere. The arteries are constricted, less blood flows to the heart, and its muscles are weakened.

When the alcohol reaches your brain, it dehydrates the brain cells and interferes with the generation of electric messages. When the alcohol leaves your system, the brain cells regain their water. Drinking excessive amounts over a long period of time, however, can impair intelligence and memory. Brain size diminishes as cells are destroyed, and IQ drops permanently.

Heavy drinking may cause men to develop female characteristics. Men produce both male and female hormones, but the liver eliminates the female ones. A damaged liver, however, lets them remain. Heavy drinking makes pregnant women more likely to miscarry or deliver a stillborn. If the baby is born alive, there is special risk of birth defects.

For pregnant women and alcoholics, any drinking is too much. For men and women generally, moderate drinking allows only small quantities of alcohol to reach the brain. Several drinks in a short period of time are too much for anyone. One drink for the alcoholic is one too many.

The conclusion of the matter: A little wine for the sake of your stomach, but not too much for the sake of your liver, your heart, and your brain—and for the sake of those around you.

The River That Falls From the Sky

By Awake! correspondent in Venezuela

FAR to the south of the glittering capital of Venezuela, Caracas, lies a strange land, the Guiana Highlands. This is the mysterious area that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle used as the setting for his science-fiction novel The Lost World, in which he wrote of an isolated tableland where dinosaurs still roamed.

No, there are no dinosaurs there. But over the soft-green plateaus tower brooding, table-topped mountains that resemble massive fortresses. These sheer-sided, flat-topped mountains are called tepuís.

The largest and one of the highest of the tepuís, which rises about 8,000 feet (2,400 m), was discovered long ago by the local Indians. They named it Auyán Tepuí, meaning “Devil Mountain.” The Indians imagined that it was the Devil’s domain because of the severe weather conditions, the hurricane-force winds and storms, and the thick clouds that generally obscure the top of the tepuí.

Out of the rocky crags of Devil Mountain an underground river, the Churún, takes a leap into space that makes it the highest waterfall known and one of the loveliest. The majestic waterfall is known as Churún-Merú by the Kamaracotos Indians, Salto Angel by Venezuelans, and Angel Falls by the English-speaking world.

“I Found Myself a Waterfall!”

Early in this century, in 1910, Ernesto Sánchez La Cruz, a Venezuelan explorer hunting gold and rubber ranged up the twisting Churún River canyon and found the spectacular waterfall. He exclaimed that he saw a river that seemed to be ‘falling out of the sky!’

Later it was named Angel Falls after Jimmy Angel, an American adventurer pilot and gold hunter. Angel wrote in his log (the entry dated November 16, 1933) when he first flew over the falls, “I found myself a waterfall!” When he returned in 1937 and tried to land his monoplane on Auyán Tepuí, he crash-landed on top of the mesa instead. Eleven days later he and his passengers, including his wife, struggled down from the top of the mesa. The resultant publicity drew attention to the awesome sight that he had seen. Later, measurements proved the waterfall to be 3,212 feet (979 m) high—over half a mile of sheer drop!

Now, it’s easy to say 3,212 feet high, but just imagine—that is more than twice as high as the Empire State Building in New York City, twice as high as Ribbon Falls in Yosemite National Park, California, or well over three times as high as Skykje Falls in Norway, Staubbach Falls in Switzerland, or Candelas Falls in Colombia!

Curiously, there is no lake on the mesa. In the rainy season during the storms, torrents of water fall from the sky, collect in the deep crevices, gorges, and canyons, and run off into the mostly underground Churún River.

Is Angel Falls Still Hidden?

Can you visit this hidden marvel of creation? Yes, two ways, both difficult. Leaving from Puerto Ordaz, you can make a two-week trip by canoe.

Or you can fly past Angel Falls, leaving from Caracas or Puerto Ordaz. A small plane will take you through the twisting Churún River canyon with towering mountains on either side and fly you below the rims of the mountains. There are so many falls that it is bewildering. But when you finally see Angel Falls plunging down the escarpment, all doubt vanishes. As the glimpse is so fleeting, under good conditions the pilot makes two passes for the benefit of the traveler.

There is no guarantee of seeing or photographing Angel Falls, however, as the weather conditions are so unpredictable. Many times the falls cannot be seen because of being completely hidden by rain, mist, or heavy clouds. This is disappointing if you have spent time and money in anticipation of seeing the majestic sight. But the thrill of the flight down the ever-narrowing dead-end canyon is in itself worth the price and effort to many.

There is one last chance though. Continuing your flight, you arrive shortly at pink-sanded Canaima. Here you can arrange to go on a guided excursion to the foot of Angel Falls. This requires two or three days one way, in a canoe on the Carrao and Churún rivers and then a climb on foot through the jungle to a vantage point. There you may have to wait until the clouds cooperate, separate, and lift. Then Angel Falls is revealed in its sparkling, spectacular leap from below the rim of Auyán Tepuí.

‘What’s on top of the mesa?’ you wonder. The few who have explored the top have endured the damp cold up there; the temperature can go down to almost 32 degrees Fahrenheit (0° C.) at night. The surface is broken up into fissures and gorges with strange rocks the size of skyscrapers.

Taking a last look at the misty silver cascade, we appreciate that far from having any connection with the Devil’s domain, Angel Falls is a splendid expression of the handiwork of the One who created magnificent waterfalls, both for his pleasure and for the delight of humans.

[Picture on page 13]

Often the falls cannot be seen because of mist or clouds

Filters Tell a Deadly Tale!

OWNERS of New York City restaurants are increasingly being confronted with patrons who demand that they be seated away from tobacco smokers. While some are repulsed at the thought of breathing in the filthy exhalations of people who smoke, others complain that the offensive, malodorous fumes from cigars, cigarettes, or pipes destroy the appetite-arousing aromas that add so much to a finely prepared meal. Richard Lavin, one restaurateur, is convinced that smokers would quickly drop this unhealthy habit if they could just see the filters of the air-cleaning machines that operate in his eating establishment. He declared that “they are so blackened, we have to give them an acid bath twice a week.”

One can just imagine the unclean effects tobacco must have on the lungs and windpipes of nonsmokers, not to mention smokers!

How Can I Satisfy My Parents?

Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Satisfy My Parents?

WALLY’S mother thinks he needs to spend more time on his homework. Wally, however, says, “I work hard in school and I come home and expect to relax a little bit. Go visit some friends, whatever. But she says, ‘You’re not going out of this house.’”1

‘Make me proud of you!’ ‘Do your best!’ ‘Succeed!’ Such are the familiar urgings of parents. And while some youths are encouraged and spurred on by these words, you perhaps resent them. Not that you want your folks to ignore you, but at times their constant attention feels like too much of a good thing. ‘Just how can I satisfy them?’ you wonder.

Why Parents Expect a Lot

First, let’s acknowledge an important fact: Good parents feel a responsibility toward their children. And as Proverbs 10:1 says, “A wise son is the one that makes a father rejoice, and a stupid son is the grief of his mother.” So it’s only natural for your parents to want you to do well. You reflect on them. More importantly, though, they deeply care about you. Says Dr. Joan Lipsitz, “Often, expectations of parents are based on a desire to spare the child from having to go through the same thing the parents did when they were the same age.”

So when Dad or Mom tells you to stay home and finish your homework, he or she is not necessarily being unreasonable. They know that to survive as an adult you will need to develop certain skills and abilities, skills only obtained through hard work. And if they are Christians, they also want you to reach your full spiritual potential. (Compare Ephesians 4:13.) Yes, behind your parents’ encouragement to get good grades or their requirement that you attend Christian meetings, and so forth, there is a lot of love. As a young man named Gary puts it: “Sure, my parents set high goals for me. After all, they lovingly sacrificed their time and money on me. I was their ‘prize’ possession.”

Granted, some parents go too far, setting their hearts on having their children achieve high-paying jobs, status, or even fame. Billy’s mom and dad, for example, dream of his becoming a star athlete. After school his father drills him in lay-ups on the basketball court. Billy, however, just isn’t much of an athlete.

Note what Jesus said, though, when the mother of two of his apostles tried to secure for her sons prestigious positions in Christ’s Kingdom—‘one at his right hand and one at his left.’ Wanting her sons to serve others with Jesus was fine. But perhaps there was a taint of wrong motive in her request. At any rate, Jesus corrected any notion she and her sons may have had about their ‘wielding authority as great men.’ Striving to be number one was just not to be the way among Christians. (Matthew 20:21-26) Likewise today, it is your relationship with God that really counts. (1 Corinthians 1:31) Cutthroat competition and tirelessly striving to accumulate material goods are vain ‘strivings after the wind.’—Ecclesiastes 4:4; see also Galatians 5:26 and; 1 John 2:16.

Nevertheless, some parents fail to appreciate this. They may push their children to excel—even at times beyond their abilities. What can result? Claims one authority: “Impossible expectations on the part of parents, teachers and peers probably provoke more stress-related problems among the young than any other source.”

Fortunately, overly ambitious and overly demanding parents are a minority. So the requirements your folks set out are probably quite reasonable. But there is a lot you can do—and learn—to turn their expectations to your advantage!

Learning to Do Your Best!

“I felt angry, frustrated and frightened,” recalled a 16-year-old girl whose parents asked her to remain in a class for advanced students. “In my mind, I wasn’t bright enough.” But were her folks really asking too much of her in suggesting she apply herself a bit harder? Not at all. She finished with high marks and now views the whole experience as “a win for me.”—Teen magazine.

Young people often underestimate their abilities. So if your parents encourage you to improve in some area—grades, for example—you stand to win by considering their point of view. “Listen to your father who caused your birth,” says Proverbs 23:22, “and do not despise your mother just because she has grown old.” Their experience in life may equip them to size up your capabilities more realistically. In her book Childstress! Mary Susan Miller writes: “I want to emphasize the fact that parents and teachers should have expectations for children. . . . Without them, children lack the self-confidence that comes when adults believe in them.”

Try, then, to meet your parents’ reasonable expectations.

Communicate! Communicate!

What, though, if you feel your parents’ requirements are placing you under too much pressure? Or what if their goals are contrary to your desires? The need to communicate—constructively, sympathetically—is a recurring theme heard from young people who have successfully dealt with this very situation. Veronica, for example, says: “Sit down with your parents when nobody is upset and let them see you as you see yourself.” David adds: “If I had started earlier in life talking about the pressure I felt, it would have been easier not only on me but also on my parents.”

Communication means listening as well as talking. What your parents request may be clear. But do you really know why they ask it? Remember, “To answer a question [or a demand] before you have heard it out is both stupid and insulting.” (Proverbs 18:13, The New English Bible) “Communication,” asserts Tom Kennon, a lecturer at the University of California’s psychiatry department, “is the key. . . . What emerges is a new awareness on the part of the teenager—as well as on the part of the parents.” Two things might help such communication.

Cooperate: “I found it was important to go out of my way to be yielding,” says Gary. He admits that this “is not always easy.” Easy or not, the Bible shows that it is right: “Obey your parents, for it is right that you should.” (Ephesians 6:1, NE) Defying them simply alienates you from them. Veronica, mentioned previously, adds that such cooperation “makes you a better person in the long run.”

Show respect: Respect can only improve your family relationships. It even lets you express your feelings without causing offense. So if you feel that your parents are asking for more than you can deliver, present your views mildly and with deep respect.—Compare 1 Peter 3:15.

For example, a Christian youth named Edward had a conflict with his parents over his career goals. How did he satisfy them in this delicate situation? Edward says, “I had good results when I explained respectfully why I wanted to pursue the Christian ministry rather than the career they had chosen for me. I expected a big fight, especially from Mother, but instead there was a calm response.”

Interestingly, years later Edward became a staff member of the world headquarters of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Recently his mother wrote: “It is true we were upset when you decided to go [there]. However, we accept this and feel it was probably the best decision for you. You seem to be happy there and that is what counts. We cannot accept your way of thinking religiously, but that does not make it right or wrong.”

So rather than chafing under your parents’ urgings, why not view your parents’ hopes for you as an expression of their confidence in you? And whether their or your expectations need adjustment, let your respect show through when you discuss it.

[Blurb on page 15]

“Sit down with your parents when nobody is upset and let them see you as you see yourself,” recommends one youth

[Pictures on page 16]

Do you feel that your parents cause you stress by planning your life?

“Jehovah Will Give Increase”

JEWISH writings tell us that postexile Jews sang or recited Psalms 113 to 118 on the occasion of some of their festivals. These psalms, known as the Hallel, include the promise: “Jehovah will give increase to you . . . You are the ones blessed by Jehovah.”—Psalm 115:14, 15.

During 1984 these words were sung anew—not literally but in a symbolic way—at festivals of quite another kind. They were the 1984 “Kingdom Increase” District Conventions held by Jehovah’s Witnesses in many parts of the world. Did they have reason for choosing “Kingdom Increase” as their convention theme and for applying the psalmist’s words to themselves?

Outsiders Take Note of Increase

About the Witnesses in Belgium the newspaper Le Jour wrote: “The 1984 theme ‘Kingdom Increase’ very aptly describes this group . . . From only 600 strong in 1945, they number more than 22,000 today, which figure does not include proselytes and sympathizers.” And in France the newspaper Le Provençal reported: “One hundred and five years after the birth of their movement, the Witnesses are growing in numbers at an increased pace.”

What has been catching the world’s attention, however, is not just the Witnesses’ increase in numbers but also their matchless life-style. Outsiders are impressed by people obviously blessed with qualities all too seldom seen in a loveless, dirty, and disunited world. The stadium director in Florence, Italy, for example, commented: “Mine is a selfish viewpoint, I know, but I wish that Jehovah’s Witnesses would hold their assemblies here in the stadium every two months. That way it would always be clean. You are amazing.”

“They are an amazing people,” agreed a worker in a car showroom near the Southampton, England, convention grounds. The worker added: “When the world is fighting and quarreling, they are so peaceful and all of them are smiling. It is a shame that the whole world is not like them.”

Finnish journalist Heli Savin described them as “a crowd of seven thousand young girls and boys, fathers and mothers, grannies and grandpas, [who] . . . formed one large family among which good manners and respectfulness toward others prevailed.” The writer continued: “The best sight, in my opinion, was the boys at the age of our ‘troublesome teenagers.’ . . . I actually felt an urge to hug them and cry out: ‘Mankind does have some hope left!’”

Meeting the Requirements for Increase

In ancient times, divinely given increase was dependent upon God’s people rejecting idol worship, putting complete “trust in Jehovah,” and “fearing” him. (Psalm 115:4-13) Jehovah’s Witnesses today try hard to meet these requirements. That they truly do fear Jehovah was pointed out by a convention speaker who explained: “Jehovah’s Witnesses in all parts of the earth are earnest students of the Bible. Indeed they ‘tremble’ at God’s Word as they constantly take in accurate knowledge of the loving purposes of their Grand Instructor.”—See Isaiah 66:2.

This desire to please Jehovah was mirrored in the choice of material dealt with on the convention program. Divine standards of conduct were stressed. A moving Bible drama demonstrated how ancient Israel lost God’s blessing when Achan repudiated godly fear and embarked upon a course of disloyalty. Jehovah’s Witnesses want to prevent anything similar from happening in the Christian congregation today.

The conventions offered Jehovah’s Witnesses ample opportunity to manifest their trust in their God. For example, a Witness in Switzerland was told in May that he was being laid off work at the end of June for reasons related to religion. Despite this financial setback, he refused to compromise his stand and continued making convention plans for his family of nine. Then, during his last week at work, he was told he could keep his job, would be given a better one, in fact, and that the days he needed for convention attendance would be charged to vacation time. “The only problem left,” he reports, “was getting the children out of bed early enough to get to the convention grounds on time.”

This and similar experiences show how highly Jehovah’s Witnesses treasure the spiritual instruction their conventions provide. In fact, a mailman in Finland whose application for vacation was rejected paid one of his workmates $35 a day to do his work for him. Afterward he remarked: “The assembly was worth that price. Just think what I would have missed had I stayed at home!”

At 127 conventions in 15 European countries, there were 11,918 newly baptized Witnesses, many of whom had only recently turned their backs on idol worship.

Included in those who made such a public declaration, acknowledging that they now considered Jehovah “their help and their shield,” were N. K. and her 19-year-old sister E. G. from Sweden. (Psalm 115:11) They are Gypsies. Changing their traditional way of life meant breaking very strong social ties and freeing themselves from many deep-rooted traditions, including certain forms of idol worship. Upon being baptized, E. B., a member of the prominent cathedral choir in Graz, Austria, commented: “It was only after I started studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses that I realized that choir activities were directly connected with idolatry.”

Of course, anything that crowds the Creator and his worship out of our lives and thoughts is a form of idolatry. This is what gambling was for one ardent poker player. But how insecure his life was! With thousands of dollars one day, he would be penniless the next. Coming to appreciate real riches—spiritual ones—he abandoned his idolatrous life of gambling and was baptized at Mo-i-Rana, Norway.

Others fall victim to the idolatry of trusting in human theories, philosophies, and governments rather than in God, whose very existence they either deny or ignore. Vito, a 37-year-old train engineer baptized at Avellino, Italy, illustrates this point. An atheist, a communist, and a firm believer in evolution, he considered religion “the opium of the people.” But his atheistic faith was shaken when Witnesses convinced him of the inconsistencies in the evolution theory. A Bible study resulted. No longer does he ask as the nations do: “Where, now, is their God?” but as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, he declares: “Our God is in the heavens.”—Psalm 115:2, 3.

Increase From Among Small and Great

Jehovah is the “living God, who is a Savior of all sorts of men.” (1 Timothy 4:10) Or as Psalm 115:13 expresses it: “He will bless those fearing [him], the small ones as well as the great ones.” Thus among the newly baptized Witnesses were many ordinary citizens, small ones as it were, but also others who, from a worldly standpoint, might be considered great ones. “All sorts of men” were represented. Consider some examples.

One year ago a top-ranking athlete and highly respected sports coach was baptized in Helsinki, Finland.a He began witnessing to a 14-year-old girl whom he was training. In her three-hour athletic training period, he even included one hour of Bible study! Now, in 1984, despite family opposition, she was baptized at one of the Finnish conventions.

The superintendent of Sunday schools at a Baptist Church in the United States, upon learning the truth, began opening her class with prayer to Jehovah. She says: “The students responded quite well to that, but then to my surprise some of the teachers, as well as fellow members of the church, became disturbed. Many of them walked out of my classes, saying that what I was teaching was so different from what the ‘Reverend’ had taught. Indeed, it was different because I was using material from My Book of Bible Stories. I had purchased 30 copies of the Bible Stories book, doing this out of my tithes for the class. I gave a copy to the ‘Reverend,’ seeking his approval. Later he approached me, saying: ‘The book is very well written, I really like it, it is very beautiful. . . .’ His attitude suddenly changed when he read who published the book—the Watchtower Society.” This hypocrisy helped her break free from bondage to Babylon the Great, and she was baptized at the Cicero, Illinois, convention.

In Sweden a 20-year-old girl picked up one of the Society’s books from her mother’s bookshelf and started to read it. Fascinated by what she learned, she began to answer the questions at the bottom of each page and wrote down the answers in a notebook. She read the book five times and filled two notebooks with her answers. After resigning from the Swedish state church, she called the local Kingdom Hall and made contact with the Witnesses.

Others baptized included a schoolteacher from Portugal who, in her own words, was formerly “fully dedicated to overthrowing the government.” Another kind of fighter, the former director of a karate school and himself a karate prizewinner, was baptized in Austria. In Spain a young woman, with a history of drug trafficking, robbery, and immorality behind her, was at age 22 an abandoned wife expecting a child. She was almost ready to give up fighting, for she was contemplating suicide before meeting Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Some accepted the truth within a few months. Others needed more time. A mother baptized in Germany had lived next door to Jehovah’s Witnesses for 11 years. But not until the Witness children began talking to her 8- and 11-year-old children did she begin to take an interest in their message. And in becoming one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, a 91-year-old German was following the example of his father, who had been baptized somewhat earlier—88 years earlier to be exact—in 1896!

Some experienced in a marvelous way that “Kingdom Increase” is proceeding under angelic guidance. (See Revelation 14:6, 7.) A 25-year-old man from the Netherlands believed in reincarnation and practiced spiritism. He worshiped the sun and even hoped one day to become part of it. To achieve this goal, he was determined to die, as he expressed it, ‘in one way or another in March 1983.’ The Witnesses met him in February!

In view of this great increase from among “all sorts of men,” both small and great, what can we expect for the future?

Still More to Come!

We can be sure that there is more to come. First of all, Jehovah has promised further increase. (See Isaiah 60:22.) Second, as the figures in the accompanying box show, there is still a tremendous potential for increase. Note the percentage of people in attendance at the conventions above the peak number of active Jehovah’s Witnesses in 1984. Notice, too, the number of Witnesses newly baptized during the last service year, all of whom will now be helping to preach the good news of God’s established Kingdom to others. Without doubt, the conventions have laid a proper basis for further increase. After the convention in Hannover, Germany, K. V. expressed it this way: “In a loving and pointed way, the convention program called attention to the basic conditions for contributing to Kingdom increase—things dealing with our personal lives, relationships within the congregation, attitudes toward the organization, and life in the family.”

Jehovah’s Witnesses take no personal credit for this increase. “To us belongs nothing, O Jehovah, to us belongs nothing,” they readily admit. It is rather “according to [God’s] loving-kindness, according to [his] trueness,” and his blessing that this increase has taken place and will continue to do so in the future.—Psalm 115:1; see also Zechariah 4:6.

Joyful in the service of their God, Jehovah’s Witnesses invite “all sorts of men” everywhere to become personally a part of Kingdom increase by joining them in saying the words of the Hallel: “But we ourselves will bless Jah from now on and to time indefinite.”—Psalm 115:18.

[Footnotes]

See the 1984 Yearbook of Jehovah’s Witnesses, page 9.

[Box on page 20]

WHAT CONVENTIONERS SAID:

“I think 100,000 words would be insufficient to describe my feelings of appreciation to Jehovah for this spiritual feast.”—R. S., Luxembourg

“In the release of the brochure The Divine Name That Will Endure Forever I saw a proof of Jehovah’s blessing. I had hoped to have something like this for a long time. Thanks a million!”—A. L., Federal Republic of Germany

“The release of the reference Bible is a personal blessing to me from Jehovah . . . Fantastic! I have read the Bible three times. The new Bible is an incentive to read it again.”—A. P. and J. J., United States

[Graph on page 22]

(For fully formatted text, see publication.)

1984 “KINGDOM INCREASE” DISTRICT CONVENTIONS IN THE UNITED STATES AND SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Peak number of Percentage of Newly baptized

Witnesses in 1984 convention Witnesses during

attendance over 1984 service year

1984 peak

Austria 15,618 37% 790

Belgium 20,499 39% 1,009

Britain 97,495 40% 5,166

Denmark 14,337 62% 391

Finland 15,263 54% 629

France 82,458 34% 4,708

F.R. of

Germany 109,102 29% 4,288

Italy 116,555 45% 9,060

Luxembourg 1,129 18% 54

Netherlands 27,812 51% 841

Norway 7,670 48% 328

Portugal 27,220 71% 1,859

Spain 56,717 49% 3,671

Sweden 19,526 29% 845

Switzerland 12,378 41% 713

United States 690,830 53% 35,618

Total of 69,970

[Pictures on page 19]

Top: Conventioners on their way to preach in Hannover, Germany

Bottom left: New reference Bible released in Edinburgh, Scotland

Bottom right: No racial barriers—Japanese Witnesses attending in Dortmund, Germany

Door-to-Door Evangelism—How Effective?

“Interest in evangelism is exploding in American churches,” says Christianity Today. But what kind of evangelism is being promoted?

Lately, many Protestant churches have been promoting “friendship evangelism,” that is, church members witnessing to their friends, neighbors, and family members. Claiming that this method is far more effective than home visitations on strangers, one church group points to a survey it made of 14,000 church members. “Between 75 percent and 90 percent say they owe their Christian faith to a friend or relative.” Door-to-door witnessing, says the report, is considered by most churches to be ineffective. Furthermore, “the vast majority of Christians will never feel comfortable doing this type of witness.”

But can it really be said that the door-to-door method of preaching is ineffective? The Scriptures point out that early Christians, rather than limiting their preaching to friends and relatives, had marvelous results preaching from village to village and from house to house.—Luke 8:1; Acts 2:41; 4:4; 5:14, 42; 20:20, 21.

Jehovah’s Witnesses today use the same apostolic methods. British sociologist Bryan Wilson analyzed the growth of Jehovah’s Witnesses in Japan and concluded: “The majority [58.3 percent] of those who have become Witnesses declare that they first had their interest awakened by receiving a house-call from a publisher.” The door-to-door ministry is effective, though it may not be “comfortable” for “the vast majority of Christians.”

Seeking the Causes of Death, I Found Life

The story of a pathologist

“I HAVE the hope of never dying,” my friend said. I smiled ironically at this. Yet at the same time it provoked an intense curiosity in me. I knew my friend very well. We had studied together at school, and he had never given me any reasons to doubt his sanity. As a pathologist I was familiar with death and many of its causes, but the idea of unending life had never entered my mind.

After the conversation, he gave me two books: The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life and Is the Bible Really the Word of God? That was my first contact with the message Jehovah’s Witnesses preach from the Bible. Those two books were going to mean a great change in my life and even a change of direction in my medical research work.

I had spent many years in oncological research—the study of tumors. As a pathologist I was interested in the origin and cause of diseases. I was faced daily with the two constants—life and death. I was fascinated by the miracle of life and the mystery of death. And now, unexpectedly, I heard someone affirm that perhaps he would never die since he expected God’s Kingdom to come within his lifetime.—Matthew 6:9, 10.

My Career in Medicine

I was not brought up in a very religious home. My father, an intelligent man and a great reader, had got to know enough about the Catholic religious leaders in Spain to have no desire to inculcate their ideas in us. In those days Catholic religious teaching was obligatory in school. When I reached the age of 15 and started to reason about Catholic doctrine, I decided to break away from the church.

At one time I was thinking of a military career, but by the end of my bachillerato (high school) studies the choice had come to be between engineering and medicine. I had read much about doctors and had often heard my father speak favorably of prominent Spanish doctors such as Santiago Ramón y Cajal, Nobel prize winner for medicine. So I finally chose the fascinating science of medicine.

Catholic Theologian Tries to Convert Me

As time passed I became more intransigent in my opposition to Catholicism, to the point of becoming an agnostic. I constantly argued against doctrines such as the Trinity, hell, and the infallibility of the pope.

One day, during an argument with some friends in the National Library of Madrid, one of them invited me to meet a well-known Catholic theologian who, I was told, would be able to clear up my doubts and refute my arguments. I accepted the challenge, and that same day we visited the clergyman’s house.

When we arrived he was very pleasant and said he had the afternoon free for us. He would be very pleased to help me return to the Catholic Church. After half an hour of argument and counterargument, he suddenly remembered that he had an appointment! My friend was disillusioned to see his theologian back down.

I could not accept half-truths adorned with false human philosophy that at times dared to depersonalize God in a Trinity and present him as a cruel, malevolent designer of the torments of hell where people were retained forever. I could not accept such a God.

My Fascination With Medical Research

The years passed swiftly, and I qualified as a doctor. I specialized in internal medicine, pursuing my career with enthusiasm. I wanted to help sick people. One day I was called to attend a young girl who was sick with leukemia. I was greatly affected by this case—to think that soon she would have to die. I became obsessed with this terrible illness that puts a premature end to so many lives.

When I returned home that day, I went to my study, took out all the books and publications on the subject, and started to study it intensively. I wanted to find the root cause of the illness, and from there, the cure. I studied all through the night.

By dawn I was all excited because I had worked out a complete theory on the possible causes of leukemia. I was determined to publish my theory. But I remembered counsel by Santiago Ramón y Cajal: It is one thing to theorize; it is another to demonstrate the theory. Theory alone was not enough. I needed to carry out experimental research to really prove it. What was the final result? I decided I would dedicate my life to medical research. Thus I decided to specialize in oncology, pathological anatomy, and other branches of pathology.

I made progress in my research to the point that I was asked to apply the results of my animal experiments to cancer patients. I refused to do so since I had only experimented with one type of tumor. First I wanted to experiment with another type that I also knew well. I was convinced that each type of tumor requires a specific immunization.

I was involved in my experiments and enjoying the benefits of annual grants from a Spanish cancer association and from the World Health Organization. Then something totally unexpected occurred. I was told that to continue receiving such grants I would have to hand over the results of my research to another research unit not under my supervision. I was not willing to go along with this policy. Because of such medical politics, I had to discontinue my research work.

A New Field of Research

That was my situation when I first met my friend the Witness. My wife and I had recently obtained a Bible, and I had read some of the “New Testament.” My interest in spiritual themes was rekindled. That night I started by reading the book The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life.

Dawn was breaking when—after a calm, profound, and at the same time exciting, reading—I almost completed the book. I had to get some sleep. But first, with great joy, respect, and deep emotion, I prayed to God. I expressed gratitude for what I had learned that night about him not only as the Creator but also as a living God with the marvelous qualities of love, wisdom, justice, and power. This was a God I could respect and worship.

…

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Awake!, January 22, 1985