Awake!, August 8, 1982

Awake! — August 8, 1982

Source: jw.org

Contents

Page Two

Family Breakdown—“A World Tragedy”

“Surviving” the First Year of Marriage

A Book for All People

Making Wise Health Decisions

Do They Come Back the Same?

He Came Back a Stranger

Crossword Puzzle

When the Music Ends, How Do We Solve the Problems?

“He’s Going to Be a Little Boy”

From Our Readers

Watching the World

Look at This Garden. Do You Know What God Saw Missing?

Now the “New Testament” on 18 Cassettes . . . In One Handy Album

Page Two

Families are breaking up in record numbers. Often the start of a marriage can be the most crucial time. How can couples not only ‘survive’ the first year but really enjoy it and build an enduring relationship?

Family Breakdown—“A World Tragedy” 3

“Surviving” the First Year of Marriage 4

Family Breakdown—“A World Tragedy”

“OUR civilization is headed for absolute disaster if we fail to reverse the disintegration of the family as a functional unit.”

That statement was made by Dr. Lee Salk of the New York Hospital–Cornell Medical Center in an article entitled “A World Tragedy,” published by Leaders magazine. Dr. Salk also observed: “Leaders in government and industry have offered little to repair the damages to the integrity of the family” to which such agencies have contributed.

The family is the key social unit. There individuals, especially impressionable children, learn social and other skills that can enable them to be useful members of society. The greater the damage to the family unit, the more disastrous the consequences to individuals and to society as a whole. History shows that the decay of family life even contributed heavily to the disintegration of great empires.

In this regard, Professor of History Albert Hyma wrote in An Outline of Ancient History: “The relation between father and children and between husband and wife, when properly functioning, formed the greatest pillar of prosperity and good government. When home life is sound, the nation will remain prosperous and secure. When home life is undermined by immoral teachings, by constant quarreling and by selfishness, the disorders in the home are magnified in the larger groups that make up society as a whole.”

In modern times, especially in the past few decades, family life has been severely damaged in many ways, and record numbers of marriages have broken up. Different philosophies have arisen that have undermined family integrity. Divorce has been made easy. Living together without marriage is a growing practice. The availability of drugs has turned many children (and parents) toward antisocial behavior. Sexual permissiveness is rampant: television shows, movies, magazines and other literature portray sexual immorality, including adulterous relationships, as acceptable, even desirable. Add to all of this the pressures of making a living in very unstable economic times.

These things, and more, have put a great strain on families. This makes it especially difficult for young men and women who are entering marriage and just beginning their family life. With winds of change battering at marriage, with so many different viewpoints on life, many couples are cast adrift at the start. They do not know why their marriage does not produce the happiness they anticipated; nor do they know what to do about it.

In all marriages, however long lasting, it takes real effort to gain the happiness that can come from such unions. But, for many, it is the first year of marriage that brings some of the greatest difficulties. This is a time of adjustment of two different personalities with two sets of likes and dislikes.

How, then, can couples not only “survive” the first year of marriage but find real happiness in it? How can they set their marriage on a course that will bring contentment not only now but later on as well?

“Surviving” the First Year of Marriage

“IT WAS rough.” So say many regarding their first year of marriage. “Before I got married I thought I was the world’s foremost authority on family life,” confessed a young husband. “I was confident I’d know how to deal with every problem. But once I was married I found I didn’t know a thing.” His wife adds: “I cried more the first year than I ever have. I guess it was all the pressure and not really knowing what was expected.”

While the first year of marriage is not that difficult for every couple, it may not necessarily be easy. The Bible says: “Those who do [marry] will have tribulation in their flesh.” Or, as another translation puts it: “Those who marry will have pain and grief.”—1 Corinthians 7:28, The New English Bible.

Marriage can bring joy and fulfillment, but it takes time—and hard work. Two different personalities must merge. You face new pressures, new challenges, new situations. No wonder your first year is critical. Specifically, though, what problems do newly married couples face? Can they cheerfully “survive”? Does the timeless advice of the Bible really help?

Getting to Know You

With the glamour of the lacy wedding gown and the tuxedo stripped away, you are left with a person. How well do you know this person? Courtship hopefully gave you some insight. Sad to say, during courtship couples often allow romance to blind them to flaws and personality quirks.

Nevertheless, there is only so much you can learn about a person during courtship. Living with someone is the real test. Your mate may try to exude perfection during the opening weeks. We can sympathize with the young bride who showered three times a day so her mate wouldn’t think she had body odor.

But it won’t take long to find out what your mate is really like: humble or high-minded, petty or reasonable, neat or slovenly. If some of your mate’s living habits shock you, it is likely due to a difference in upbringing. You may have to make allowances; old habits die slowly. It may also take time for your mate to master household skills. The faucet may still leak; supper may be catastrophic. But you learn much about each other as you laugh away minor calamities.

Today’s pace of life is pressure filled and it’s easy to fall into a routine that erects a barrier of silence. One husband recollects: “I had a difficult time at work and I would ‘take my job home.’ I’d clam up around my wife and be oblivious to what was going on.” Another recalls: “I used to come home and immediately turn on the TV. But I learned instead to sit down with my wife and just talk.”

Yes, it takes effort to keep the spark of interest alive in your relationship. Don’t let it stagnate. Rather than dwelling on differences, build on similarities. Grow together and you’ll never outgrow each other.

Adjusting Sexually

Likely, engaged couples look forward to the sexual intimacies of marriage, as did the Shulammite maiden of Biblical fame. (Song of Solomon 1:13) Such relations can be beautiful expressions of love and a source of mutual “ecstasy.” (Proverbs 5:18, 19) While most adjust quickly, it should not be surprising if sex relations are disappointing at first. One husband said candidly: “The first month was trialsome for both of us. I got seriously depressed.”

Problems like this are not uncommon. Brides often experience initial discomfort during sex relations. Husbands often do not realize that a woman’s sexual response is generally slower than that of a man. Being ignorant of a woman’s need for tenderness and affection, some fail to prepare their wives for intercourse. Haste or a lack of control results in quickly satisfying their own passions, leaving the wife frustrated. While time, experience and patience can be cures, both mates should put forth effort to understand each other’s needs and limitations. (1 Peter 3:7) When each ‘seeks the advantage of the other,’ sex is rarely a problem.—Compare 1 Corinthians 10:24.

Ignorance abounds regarding sex, and some find it helpful to prepare in advance. A young wife said: “I really didn’t have any trouble in this regard. I wasn’t squeamish about doing my ‘homework’—reading up on the subject. I knew what to expect. My husband also understood and he was very gentle.” Sometimes medical advice can be helpful. Due weight should be given to the thoughts of a Christian parent or a mature married friend in whom one can confide. The above-mentioned wife adds: “My mom was really good about explaining matters. She was very open.”

Friction can develop, however, if a couple fails to share responsibility. For instance, when couples decide to delay having children, men often feel it is the woman’s job to prevent pregnancy. (“It’s your problem. You work it out!”) Burdened with “her problem,” a woman can come to dread sexual relations. How much better it is when a Christian man accepts his share of responsibility, regardless of the method of birth control a couple may choose to use.

Sharing feelings is also very important. A man may feel his wife is unresponsive. A wife may feel her husband is demanding. Some let frustrations build. Yet one couple advises: “Talk it out. You may cry your heart out. You may even get mad. But talk it out!” When it comes to these intimate matters, real communication will build your love and confidence in each other.

“Insight” Slows Down Anger

It won’t be long before you have your first disagreement. It may be a slight tremor or a devastating quake. So the Bible counsels: “Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you.” (Ephesians 4:31) “But you don’t know my wife,” you may say. “Sometimes it’s impossible to discuss things with her calmly, and I lose my temper!” However, Proverbs 19:11 advises: “The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger.”

For example, men often have little “insight” into the emotional changes a woman experiences due to her menstrual cycle. “It’s all in her mind,” some think. Even some modern women may tend to deny the seriousness of such mood swings. Movies and TV seldom portray women as so affected. Yet medical research indicates that these changes in the body can greatly affect a woman’s personality.

“I had no idea women could be so moody,” bemoaned one man. Oh, he observed a measure of crankiness on the part of his mother or sister. But “there’s no comparison between a sister and a wife,” he adds. Yes, the full brunt of your wife’s tensions may now be directed at you. She may be irritable, critical, prone to burst into tears, and may have any number of other symptoms most women experience during this time of the month.

Understanding your wife’s feelings—or at least trying to understand them—may ‘slow down your anger’ if she is brusque or sharp. Said one married woman: “I can get real ‘picky’ around that time of the month and sometimes my husband forgets why. At times even I forget why I’m acting that way.” For this reason, one couple keeps track of the wife’s cycle so as to be mindful that she may not be up to par during that time of the month and will need extra love and consideration. Women, too, should understand that men also have “highs” and “lows,” good and bad days. Such “insight” may be the very thing that defuses an argument.

Who’s in Charge Here?

“Subjection”—anathema to many women today—is the course the Bible outlines for women. (Ephesians 5:22-27) Much can be said to show how practical this God-ordained arrangement really is, but this doesn’t necessarily make submitting to headship easy. Some women have enjoyed considerable independence and may find submission difficult. One new bride admitted: “I married young and didn’t have a lot of freedom before marriage. Still it was hard to be in subjection. Maybe it’s because I didn’t give much thought to what subjection really meant.”

Initial resistance to headship can be frustrating to the young husband, still grappling with his own insecurities. What can you do if your wife doesn’t immediately respond to a request? You might reconsider. Maybe she has a point. If you still think you’re right, try again to reason with her calmly. But what if reasoning with her doesn’t work? Confessed one wife: “I’ve said ‘NO!’ right off the bat, but I don’t think I’ve ever stuck with that decision.” Like the son in Jesus’ parable, most will comply later if given time to reflect.—Matthew 21:28-31.

A married man says: “Sometimes men take themselves too seriously. Really, the longer you’re married, the more latitude you give your wife.” He, like most men, learned this the hard way. “At first I wanted to care for all the money matters. She didn’t like that because she had been independent.” But with the passing of years he has learned to trust his wife’s judgment. Remember, the “capable wife” portrayed in the Bible at Proverbs 31:10-31 is no mindless female needing direction every step of the way. She is an astute buyer, an organizer, even a real-estate investor! Why, “in her the heart of her owner has put trust”! Trust your wife. Don’t hem her in with needless rules and restrictions.

Wives, you can minimize strife by being “ready to obey.” (James 3:17) Express your feelings on major issues, but don’t make issues over trifles. Avoid “forcing one another to a showdown” by challenging your husband’s position.—Galatians 5:26, New World Translation, footnote, 1950 edition.

Some wives complain that their husbands fail to take the lead, to “carry on as men.” (1 Corinthians 16:13) Husbands, is this true of you? Your background and upbringing may be partly to blame. One man said: “In my family I spent most of my life under my mother’s direction without a father to take the lead.” The effect? “Sometimes I’ll ask my wife, ‘What do you want?’ and she says, ‘What do you want?’ and I reply, ‘But I asked you first!’”

If you husbands are trapped in such a merry-go-round of indecisiveness, you will have to develop your latent abilities to lead. How? By making decisions. It won’t be easy at first, but as your wife encourages and supports you, it can become second nature to you. Oh, you’ll make mistakes, but better that than shying away from responsibility!

Like the apostle Paul, use your authority as head sparingly. Rather than commanding, Paul entreated “by the mildness and kindness of the Christ.”—2 Corinthians 10:1; 13:10.

“Survive”—And Enjoy It!

Such may be the tribulations and joys of your first year of marriage. But mere survival is not your goal. You survive a car wreck, but you want to enjoy your marriage. Stay optimistic. Avoid unrealistic expectations. Keep your sense of humor. Know your partner and be flexible. No marriage is perfect. No two people are perfectly compatible. But your flexibility can make up for any lack. Build on the love you first felt and never let it grow weak.

King Solomon said it well: “Better is the end . . . of a matter than its beginning.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8) Yes, with time and patience, even marriages with the shakiest of beginnings can blossom into mature, enduring relationships.

[Blurb on page 7]

Men often have little “insight” into the emotional changes a woman experiences due to her menstrual cycle

[Pictures on page 5]

Laugh away minor problems

Old habits die slowly

[Picture on page 6]

Talk it out!

A Book for All People

By “Awake!” correspondent in Germany

IS THERE much difference between a Spaniard and an Indian? or an African and a Yugoslavian? True, they speak different languages and have different backgrounds. But if you look under the surface, as it were, you will find they are not very different, really. They are all fellow humans, with similar problems and needs.

In recent years men and women have come from many different lands to live in Germany, and the differences between them have added spice and variety—and sometimes a few problems—to the German scene. Nevertheless, Jehovah’s Witnesses have found that many of these foreign guests respond to the same Bible message that tens of thousands of native Germans have already accepted.

People Want a Purpose in Life

If you ask a Spanish muchacho (young boy) what he wants to be when he grows up, he will often say: “A bullfighter!” That was what Ubaldo said, and when he grew up that is exactly what he became—a bullfighter. Was he happy?

No, because every intelligent person needs to have a purpose in life. Bullfighting did not give Ubaldo such a purpose, and for him that was a serious thing. He became depressed. “I tried to commit suicide, not just once but four times!” he says. Fortunately, he failed.

Eventually, Ubaldo was contacted by Jehovah’s Witnesses and his attention was turned to the book that gives a real reason for living. He learned that men and women are truly happy only when they use their lives to serve God and draw closer to him. He also learned about God’s purpose to unite all mankind under a righteous government. (Daniel 2:44) He found happiness in sharing that hope with others. At present he lives in Germany and is helping others to find a purpose in life.

Something else that intelligent people want is the truth. And this became a problem for a young African boy.

People Want to Know the Truth

Africa is a vast region with a lot of poverty. Yet not everyone there is starving. John, for example, grew up in Ghana. His father had many children but was able to take care of all of them. Nevertheless, John was hungry for something. He reports: “At home we received no religious instruction whatsoever, but I often thought about God. I started to look for him. Sometimes I accompanied my Catholic friends to church in hopes of finding him there.” But in vain.

John moved to Germany, and there his “hunger” became more intense. “In my lonely hours I often thought about God,” he says. “I was longing for his guidance.” Finally, John was visited by the Christian witnesses of Jehovah, who offered to study the Bible with him. Was his hunger satisfied? Yes. He said the Bible taught him about “the true God and the way to everlasting life.”—Psalm 83:18; Luke 10:27, 28; Romans 6:23.

In recent years psychologists have discovered another basic human need: love. Is it possible to give and receive love in today’s uncaring world?

People Want to Be Shown Love

Nevriye and her husband, Umberto, wondered about this. Nevriye is Turkish, although she was born in Bulgaria. Her husband is Italian. He was a Catholic and she was a Muslim. The household had its problems.

Umberto and Nevriye live in Germany too. But once Umberto visited a relative in Italy who was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. “We had gone to the beach,” he narrates. “Suddenly my cousin said: ‘Those two men over there reading that green book are Jehovah’s Witnesses.’ I was puzzled. ‘How can you be sure?’ I asked. The two men were Germans, so she asked me to translate for her. Apprehensively, I approached them and asked if they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. ‘Yes,’ they answered, ‘You too?’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘but my cousin here is.’ Immediately, they hugged one another as though they had been acquainted for years. It is a scene I have never forgotten.” Yes, the love that these Christians had for one another, although they had never even met before, impressed Umberto.

He studied the Bible and eventually became one of Jehovah’s Witnesses himself, along with his wife, Nevriye. Now Umberto happily says: “Today my wife and I and our twelve-year-old son are a united family.” Why? Because, thanks to what they learned from the Bible, they now worship a God who loves them and they practice a religion based on love in association with people who show love for one another.—1 John 4:16; John 13:35.

People Want a Happy Life

There is something else we all desire that is related to our need for love. We all want to be happy. For many, however, that is not easy.

Jusuf and his wife, Safija, found that to be true. Jusuf was born in Yugoslavia of Gypsy ancestry, but he now lives in Germany. He reports: “Our dream was to have a harmonious family life. But instead of caring for my family, I developed bad habits. My family often had nothing to eat. Instead of paying the rent, I gambled away my money. Often I stayed out till four in the morning, returning home drunk and penniless. My eldest son, Began, once told me: ‘Father, I love you most when you’re not home!’”

Obviously, because of Jusuf’s conduct, his family was not happy. In fact, his wife, Safija, was utterly miserable. In desperation she decided upon a solution: rat poison—for Jusuf!

However, the family then started to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses. The son, Began, made rapid progress and at fifteen became a baptized Christian. Jusuf was amazed at the respect now shown him by this boy. “I was determined to become a better father,” he says. Both he and his wife studied the Bible until they became baptized Christians. The result?

“Since our baptism my wife and I have led a happy and harmonious family life. Everyone has enough to eat and drink. Everyone is well dressed. We have no debts. My wife no longer has to work. Our apartment is clean and orderly.”

Yes, this family certainly needed the Bible. And so did Dusan, because Dusan’s problems were even worse. What could be worse than an unhappy marriage? Well, what about two unhappy marriages—or even three, and all by the age of sixteen? Is that possible? We will let Dusan explain. Dusan, too, now lives in Germany, but was born in Rumania.

“When I was only ten,” he says, “my parents began making plans for me to get married, since it is our custom that parents arrange marriages for their children when they are thirteen or fourteen years old.” His parents found him a wife, but since Dusan was a minor, the marriage could not be registered legally. Still, for all concerned, it was a binding arrangement.

It got off to a poor start, and Dusan explains why: “We have a saying that if a man doesn’t beat his wife within the first forty days of marriage, she will end up dominating him. I made sure to follow this advice, but still she left me after only five months. At fourteen I married a second time. I thought it would work out better this time, but it was even worse. My second wife left me too. At sixteen I married again.”

This third marriage seemed destined to go the way of the first two, until Dusan and his wife had their attention called to the counsel that God gives in the Bible to all married couples: “Let each one . . . love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) Dusan and his wife tried out these Bible principles. They worked!

Help for Everyone

Wherever a person comes from, the Bible is the book for him. In it God answers our questions and gives us those things we hunger for in addition to food. (Matthew 4:4) Just like Ubaldo, we can gain a real purpose in life. Like John, we can find the truth about God. Like Nevriye and Umberto, we can experience the love of God and fellow Christians. And like Jusuf, Safija and Dusan, we can gain true happiness.

Jehovah’s Witnesses have been able to help these people of varied cultures and languages to get immeasurable benefits from the Bible. They will be happy to help you too. The help God gave to them he will give to you too. Why? Because we are all fellow humans, all brothers and sisters in the vast family of mankind.—Acts 17:26.

[Picture on page 9]

The exciting life of this Spanish bullfighter was empty, until . . .

[Picture on page 11]

A terrible threat hung over this Yugoslavian man and his family, until . . .

Making Wise Health Decisions

“LIFE. Be In It!” This Australian slogan may seem like senseless advice at first, since most people want to live. But this catch phrase puts the onus on each person to get involved in wholesome activities if he wants to improve his health and the quality of his life.

Most persons realize that they are largely responsible for the condition of their health. Good or poor health usually does not just happen. With most of us, health is directly related to personal life-styles. “What you eat and drink today, walks and talks tomorrow,” says one advertising slogan.

Dr. Thomas Stachnik of Michigan State University observes that the sickness and death rates of Americans “are no longer related to the infectious diseases prevalent at the turn of the century; instead, they are related to chronic disorders related to our life-styles.” And what type of life-style is it that causes health-care costs to soar and that keeps hospital beds overutilized?

Dr. Anthony Moore of the Royal Melbourne Hospital in Australia pulls no punches when he speaks of “people who have choked the blood from their heart with cigarettes, and torn the air from their lungs; who have squandered their body through lethargy; who have been digging their own graves with gluttonous gums; whose organs have been eroded with alcohol; whose bones have been splintered by delinquent driving; whose nerves have been snapped on the rack of ambition or anxiety; whose personality has become a plague through drugs; whose kidneys have been gnawed by aspirin; and whose mind has been sludged with sedatives.”

A person may take the attitude, ‘Oh, well, we all have to go when our time comes, so why all this fuss about good health?’ But since the average life span of humans from both the Bible and the statistical view is around seventy years, wisdom dictates trying to live out that span in relatively good health.—Psalm 90:10.

So a person who chooses a sensible life-style has made a wise medical decision. All through life, it is wise to keep observing what your body needs and how it changes in its reaction to how you treat it. Are you tired or languid? Why? Is it the result of the aging process, too much activity, not enough sleep, or too much rest and not enough exercise? Are you overweight? Why? Have you been eating a balanced diet according to your health needs, or “balanced” to suit your personal preferences?

A risky life-style is not necessary in order to say that you have lived a fulfilled life.

Wise Use of Medicine and Other Forms of Treatment

Nevertheless, those who are sick may need medical care and in some cases medicine will be necessary for recovery. There are, however, suggested drugs or other therapies for almost every ailment. There is also a constant barrage of advertising designed to convince people that nonprescribed medicine, vitamins, herbs, manipulations, tonics, and so forth, are necessary for every cough, headache, pain, stomach upset, itching and suchlike. One study estimated that 90 percent of all symptoms for which people seek health care can be cured by the human body itself, without pills, vitamins, herbs, manipulation or medicines.

A recent survey in the United States showed that one out of every three persons who considered themselves to be healthy were taking nonprescribed medicine and nearly one out of every four were using prescribed drugs.

Do not think that a certain drug, vitamin, herb or treatment is harmless because you used it in the past without any apparent side effects or that you need to keep taking it as preventive medicine. As with alcohol, the longer one takes drugs or other therapies the greater the chance, later in life, of inducing side effects of overuse-related diseases. Special concern is justified in prescription medications, since examinations have established that at least two in every five patients receiving drugs prescribed by their doctors suffer from some kind of side effect!

Rather than take medicine or other health remedies just because they are available and produce no apparent side effects, it is wise to establish how effective the medicine or therapy really is. The damage it can do or the unnecessary cost may outweigh the hoped-for benefits.

Highlighting the dangers involved, a Western Australia newspaper raised the question: “How can you judge your doctor?” It then asked, “Do you get a prescription every time you [visit the doctor]? If the answer is yes,” the recommendation was, “Change your doctor.” You should not consider your visit to the doctor ineffective, therefore, if he simply gives you advice rather than prescribes a drug. This can also be said of all health practitioners who feel inclined to prescribe their favorite or money-making schemes at every visit.

A wise objective is to try to go through as much of life as possible free from pills or therapy. The number of persons who can say they live a pill-free life is becoming increasingly smaller.

Obtaining Medical Advice

“As many as two of every three patients in a family practitioner’s office don’t really need to be there,” reports USA Today. And this is likely true also of visits to chiropractors, herbalists, naturopaths and many other types of health practitioners. With the onset of some ailment, then, a person ought to analyze whether he really needs a practitioner or whether it is simply a matter of facing reality. Is the problem psychological or is it caused by emotional stress? If so, you may be able to handle it, perhaps with the aid of a counselor. Are you really sick, or well, but worried about some personal problem? Is the sickness something the practitioner may be able to cure or is it just a common cold, cough or virus that must take its natural course? Is it something that can be curtailed or reversed, or should it be endured as a result of old age?

Whether you seek the services of a qualified health expert or not, it is wise to try to get better informed as to the sickness, what possibly caused it and ways it can be treated. Having this knowledge may convince you that many times a visit to the doctor or health therapist is not necessary. Or when discussing your problem with you, your knowledge may greatly assist them in helping to restore your health. But when speaking to your doctor express yourself with proper respect for his experience and knowledge, otherwise your view may not be appreciated.

Should a second opinion be obtained even though one is reasonably certain the diagnosis is right? That depends on the nature of the illness and other factors. But at times there is good reason for doing so when surgery is involved, when long-term therapy is suggested, or in cases of serious illness. Where second-opinion programs are being carried out, operations are being drastically reduced.

Dr. Goldstein, lecturer in preventive medicine at Sydney University, speaks of how people are taking surgery too lightly. A common attitude seems to be, “If in doubt, rip it out.”

While the doctor or health practitioner is in a privileged position and has the capacity for specialized judgment, he is not God. David Maddison of the Faculty of Medicine, University of Newcastle in Australia, comments: “One cannot ignore the mounting evidence showing the number of times that experts have been wildly wrong, often in directions which have been of literally world-shattering significance. . . . In the medical profession there is a great deal to suggest that the day of the God/doctor is ending—the era is rapidly passing when the patient needed the physician so badly, or believed that he did, that he ascribed to him knowledge and authority beyond what he actually deserved.”

So the advice of another surgeon or that of a diagnostic physician who will not gain financially from his decision may be wise at times, especially before allowing someone to wheel you off to the operating room to do nonemergency surgery.

Wise Moral Decisions

Although the doctor may be sincerely committed to health care, the moral dignity of the patient is a factor not to be overlooked. Abortions or blood transfusions may be legal and acceptable to the doctor but considered morally wrong by the patient, especially in the case of Bible-educated Christians.—Exodus 21:22-25; Acts 15:28, 29.

Whether the decision is moral or not is determined by several factors, involving balance and good judgment. Edward Keyserlingk, lawyer and professor at Carleton University and coordinator of the Law Reform Commission of Canada, says that “ethics, medicine, theology and law” are all entwined in moral decisions. When there is a conflict, however, which factor do you personally believe should receive the lesser consideration? As a general maxim he favors that law should play a limited, last-resort role in them.

Dr. Robert Dickman of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, says: “How patients’ moral (and/or religious) values influence their perception of health and illness and their expectations of medicine seem to be legitimate concerns of the family physician.”

Even doctors face making difficult moral decisions at times. A government may legalize marijuana, abortion or the advertising of tobacco to promote smoking. Yet many doctors object on moral grounds.

Jim Garner, in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, says: “The essential principle surely is that if a person or an organization thinks some action is wrong, he or it has an absolute right to say so, irrespective of whether that action is lawful . . . We have the duty to ourselves to make up our own mind about morals; as a citizen each of us should conform to the law, but the law does not override morality.”—Italics ours.

The practice of medicine has no built-in morality. What is morally right has to be decided by the adult patient or, where dependent children are involved, by the family head. And such decisions should be made out of deep respect and love for the superior laws of Jehovah God.—Psalm 119:97.

Since the Bible’s mandate is clear, that “men ought to give their wives the love they naturally have for their own bodies,” even if a husband does not fully understand his wife’s feminine ailments, he should take an active interest and be concerned as to the doctors or practitioners his wife visits and the treatment they prescribe. He should never abdicate this responsibility as an embarrassment to his masculinity and leave the decisions for his wife and the doctor (usually another man) to make. The “one flesh” marriage partnership requires deep and loving concern for the wife.—Ephesians 5:28, 31, Phillips.

When making medical decisions, then, the individual patient and the family head bear the primary responsibility. Of course, they may seek the advice of close relatives or cooperative doctors and surgeons where difficult decisions need to be made. But, above all, it is the course of wisdom to show concern for what is morally acceptable to Jehovah God. His priorities are ultimately binding on all persons, whether they be practitioner or patient.

[Blurb on page 12]

“What you eat and drink today, walks and talks tomorrow”

[Blurb on page 13]

“As many as two of every three patients in a family practitioner’s office don’t really need to be there”

[Blurb on page 14]

“In the medical profession there is a great deal to suggest that the day of the God/doctor is ending”

[Box on page 15]

DO YOU . . .

• Gorge yourself with food?

• Smoke tobacco?

• Down large amounts of alcohol?

• Avoid strenuous physical activity?

• Take drugs regularly?

THEN YOU ARE AN ABUSER OF YOUR HEALTH

SHOULD YOU . . .

• Visit the doctor? or Help yourself?

• Take drugs? or Alter your life-style?

• Have an operation? or Seek alternative treatment?

• Do what is legally permitted? or Do what pleases God?

WHO SHOULD MAKE THE FINAL DECISION?

Do They Come Back the Same?

“I HAVE been shell-shocked and bomb-shocked,” wrote John from his hospital bed. “Of course I’m not insane. But I’ve been living the life of a savage.” He added: “My bayonet and shrapnel cuts are all healed up, however. Most of us will be fairly well in six months, but none of us will be completely cured for years.” This from a World War II soldier who had just survived one of the worst bloodbaths of the fighting in the South Pacific—Guadalcanal.

John’s condition was much like that of millions of other soldiers who returned from the numerous wars waged during this twentieth century. Many suffered what is called shell shock, combat fatigue or, to use a more recent term, post-traumatic stress disorder.a Regardless of the label, it means that the mind was deeply scarred by combat.

Does it really take years for such scars to be “completely cured”? Are such individuals mentally crippled for life? Or, worse yet, are they “walking time bombs,” ready to unleash uncontrollable rage on unsuspecting bystanders?

What Is the Effect?

After working for over thirty-five years with soldiers suffering from war-related mental disorders, Dr. Lawrence Kolb, distinguished physician in psychiatry, employed by the Veterans Administration, stated in an interview with an Awake! correspondent: “I have worked with men who were acutely disturbed from World War II, as well as from the Korean War. I have seen a wide variety of soldiers, even some Russian soldiers returning from the second world war. Now I specifically work with those who have seen the heaviest of combat in Vietnam. Every one of these men has certain symptoms that are absolutely similar.”

“They are all very sensitive to noises, hyperalert and restless,” continued Dr. Kolb. “They all have repetitive dreams of combat and many find it hard to sleep. They overreact to loud sounds that remind them of combat, many have flashbacks and actually think that they are in combat again. Often this is coupled with profound feelings of depression associated with guilt. They wonder why they survived instead of their buddies who were killed.”

Harley, who saw heavy combat in the navy during World War II, acknowledged that for a few years after the war he was plagued with nightmares about combat. Often, while asleep, he would scream, “Watch out! Look out!” And, upon awakening, he would find himself soaking wet from sweat. In desperation he purchased a small radio and placed it under his pillow in hopes that it would drown out the dreams! Johnny, another World War II veteran, one who fought in Europe, not only had the dreams but often was awakened by his struggling wife who shared his bed. He had his hands around her throat. However, in both cases, with time the frequency and intensity of the dreams diminished.

Guilt and Depression

Many soldiers felt that killing the enemy was a part of their duty. They were rewarded for doing it well, so they carried no overwhelming guilt for this after the war.

“When you’re in combat all you can think about is staying alive,” reported Johnny. “Your reasoning powers are replaced by animal-like instincts. You’ll do anything to stay alive and come home.”

Then he added: “Killing from a distance was no big problem. But we would attack at night, and once you made the eye-to-eye contact with enemy soldiers that you then killed, it worked on your mind.” Such personal encounters or the engaging in needless or unjust killing often left deep emotional scars on the men, and this produced guilt and depression.b

However, with other soldiers guilt and the accompanying depression did not come from action taken toward the enemy. For instance, one twenty-five-year-old combat pilot entered a convalescent hospital after his twenty-fifth mission. He was tense and deeply depressed. His speech was retarded. Fruitlessly he had tried to decrease his anxiety by heavy drinking. Finally, under treatment, he revealed that as a flight leader he felt guilty over the death of one of his fellow pilots who was shot out of the sky during a mission. “Oh, if I had only picked out another spot, a safer target,” sobbed the young man. “If I had gone in some other place, he wouldn’t have got it. . . . I can’t get him out of my mind.”

Flashbacks

David, a veteran of Vietnam, had returned home after having encountered indescribable brutality. Scenes of human butchery that few persons would believe possible were etched forever in his mind. One day, shortly after his return, he and his wife were driving in an open-top car. His wife, Elaine, explained what happened. “A car in the approaching lane of traffic backfired with a loud bang. Without thinking, David, who was driving, attempted to jump out of the car. Halfway out he realized what he was doing and said, ‘Hey, I’m not in Vietnam. No one is shooting at me.’ I began to scream, ‘What are you doing! You can’t do that!’” Miraculously, they managed to steady the car and pull off the road.

Often the sounds of sirens or of aircraft will make a veteran feel that he is in combat again. He may even dive for cover under furniture while at home. Some combat veterans, when jarred while asleep, will come up swinging and get into a fighting stance as if ready to kill. At times, this disorder will last for years. Fueled by spectacular press reports regarding such flashbacks, many persons view men returning from combat as “walking time bombs,” prone to violence—either consciously or subconsciously.

Are They More Violent?

Actually, a study of several hundred men who served in Vietnam found that only a “significant minority of veterans” had difficulty with controlling their violent feelings. The report in Archives of General Psychiatry stated:

“Despite the fact that much has been written about the violent feelings and behavior of veterans, serious difficulty with control of aggressive effect was a major problem for a relatively small minority of the soldiers. Although 40% reported being more irritable and shorter tempered on return, for most this was a temporary, time-limited phenomenon that passed within the first three months.”

Many felt as did one World War II veteran who said, “It was such a relief not to have to kill anymore.”

Though it has been observed that violent crimes increase in virtually every nation after a war, there is no statistical proof that it is the returning soldiers who are responsible for this.c In Psychology Today researchers Archer and Gartner explained:

“Perhaps the increases are due to the legitimation of killing in the eyes of the whole society. Wars provide concrete evidence that homicide can be acceptable. This reversal of the prohibition against killing may make it easier for any person to resort to murder as a means of settling conflicts in everyday life.”

So, really, all of society is affected mentally by the effects of war, not just veterans. The conditions on earth since World War I, starting in 1914, have clearly shown that we are living in what the Bible terms the “last days.” Some of the identifying features listed in the Bible are that “men [in general, not just returning soldiers] will be . . . without self-control, fierce . . . [advancing] from bad to worse.”—2 Timothy 3:1-5, 13.

As for the war veterans, Dr. Kolb, researcher at the VA Medical Center in Albany, New York, working with some of the most disturbed men, revealed: “Even among the group I am presently working with, the vast majority have never been in a hospital. Many hold down jobs. A lot of these are conscientious, hardworking devoted people. Often their value systems are better than those of the average man on the street.”

Yet these men still had mental damage that required professional help. A 1981 study indicated that more than a third of the men who saw heavy combat in Vietnam suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Usually, what is offered as help is group psychotherapy in outreach centers. There the veteran can engage in a rap session with other vets or trained counselors who try to readjust his thinking. At times drugs, usually tranquilizers or sleeping pills, are used. However, a number of veterans suffering mentally from the war have found another answer. One of these, mentioned earlier, returned from Vietnam with serious post-traumatic stress disorders.

[Footnotes]

From the 1980 edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an official publication of the American Psychiatric Association.

A team of American doctors evaluated the incidence of depression in a sample of Vietnam veterans who had returned from an average of over two years of combat. This study found that 33 percent of these men were clinically depressed. The usual prevalence of depression in the general population is 15 percent.

Studies done since World War I have not been consistent. In 1973 the Bureau of Prisons found that 32 percent of their inmates were vets. However, according to the Veterans Administration, 49 percent of American males between sixteen and sixty-five have served in the armed forces. Also, between 1963 and 1973 the homicide rate increased dramatically for both sexes. The rate for women, who were certainly not combat veterans, increased 59 percent.

[Picture on page 17]

War’s Effect on the Mind

He Came Back a Stranger

“David came back from Vietnam a different person,” explained his wife, Elaine. “Before he went, I was drawn to him by his warmth, his caring and his wide-eyed enthusiasm. He deeply trusted me and we had a beautiful relationship. But when he returned, all that was dear about him was gone. He looked like the same man—the same smile and big brown eyes—but there was no warmth or trust. He was like a stranger. It was frightening.” Then Elaine added: “He was like a hollow shell. Nothing inside but anger.”

Explaining how he felt on returning, David said: “I just resented being with people who did not, could not, fully understand what it was like being there. I saw some of my buddies die the most hideous of deaths. I wanted Elaine to understand my feelings—what I had seen. But nobody seemed really to want to understand. So I had all this hostility bottled up inside.”

Very few persons can really conceive the traumatic reversal of personal values that war creates, nor can they sense the devastating effect this has on the mind. David explains: “In combat you had to learn to look out for yourself constantly. You learned that personal relationships with others meant very little—they could be killed the next minute. You justified in your own mind that any conduct was justifiable as long as you survived another day.” Elaine added: “When you come home you soon realize that everything that you thought was valuable during your year of duty adds up to zero. And everything you thought meant nothing, such as relationships with others, becomes extremely valuable in civilian life.”

As a result, David, like many returning soldiers, hesitated to form trusting relationships with others whereby he would become emotionally involved. Naturally this wreaks havoc on a marriage.

The Value of Bible Instruction

When their relationship was almost strained to the limit, David and Elaine began a study of the Bible with the Christian witnesses of Jehovah. “It helped immensely!” said David. “Eventually, for the first time in my life, I felt that I had an intimate relationship with God and could express all my feelings to him. I could really say how sorry I was for all the things that I had done, and I believed that he was willing to forgive me.”

Elaine added: “Naturally David still had his ups and downs, but these became less intense. At times even now he will suffer from depression, but the Bible instruction brought back the David I married and more! It brought out the good, because the Bible encourages unselfish love, compassion and giving. It was like finding my husband again!”

Yes, the Bible has helped David, and others, to build loving, trusting relationships. How? Well, the Bible states that genuine love “does not look for its own interests” and “does not keep account of the injury.” The Bible urges tender compassion. It gives practical suggestions on how a person can develop genuine love for his fellowman. “It still was not easy,” confessed David. “Even now, if someone betrays my trust and treats me unjustly, my anger flares up inside. But at that time I’ll silently pray to Jehovah for strength and just walk away.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5; 1 Peter 3:8, 9.

The Role of the Family

“Not only did applying Bible knowledge help David,” explained Elaine, “but it helped me to cope with him. You see, when David would start an argument he would not say, ‘Elaine, now I’m going to get mad at you because of my hostility over Vietnam.’ No, he would say, ‘What is this rotten food? You don’t keep the house clean, and you’re not a good mother!’ At other times he would give me the silent treatment and not speak for weeks. All the while I would be wondering, What did I do wrong?

“But I learned from the Bible to be submissive and respectful, to show fellow feeling and to ‘put up with others even though I had a cause for complaint.’ My knowing these Bible truths helped. Of course there were times when I would overreact to David’s anger. At times I would not fully apply what the Bible said, but when we both applied it, the Bible counsel worked. It was not easy but I did not end our marriage when I felt like doing so because of his actions. Now things have greatly improved.”—Colossians 3:13, 18.

The understanding and compassion of the family are “very significant,” according to Dr. Kolb, “in assisting a man to become socially competent.” He revealed that “the men who maintained their marriages are doing better than the others. On the other hand, if a wife is ‘frozen out,’ as many are, marriages don’t last.”

But even more than teaching understanding and compassion, the Bible offers a genuine hope for the future.

Precious Promises

“Come, you people, behold the activities of Jehovah . . . He is making wars to cease to the extremity of the earth.” (Psalm 46:8, 9) When you consider the staggering amount of suffering caused by war, how grand such a promise is! By means of his heavenly government, his kingdom, God will “put an end” to all nations that foment war, and he will bring permanent peace to our earth.—Daniel 2:44.

The meek ones that survive will be completely cured—mentally, emotionally and physically—as God directs his full attention to our earth. (Revelation 21:3, 4; Psalm 37:10, 11) Learning of this hope has motivated many veterans. “This gave David a real reason to live,” said Elaine. “It also made it easier for me to encourage him. For instance, when he would become irritated by some thoughtless remark from an outsider, I would often say, ‘Remember, “vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah.”’ When he would get discouraged because of the recurring depression, I would show him how much progress he had already made and point to the future when God would heal his mental wounds completely.”—Romans 12:19; compare Isaiah 65:17.

Jesus promised: “The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear [Jesus’] voice and come out.” (John 5:28, 29) What a thrilling prospect—to see millions who were killed during war return to life and be given an opportunity to learn the truth about God!

Harley is one of the veterans who found that Bible instruction was a big help. Though thirty-seven years have passed since World War II ended, recalling the death of some of his battle companions caused him to have an intense emotional reaction. Choking back the tears, he said: “It will be real nice to see those guys again in the resurrection. This hope really softens the hurt.”

Truly, Bible education provides genuine help for the mind and offers a real hope for the future.

[Picture on page 21]

Bible study provides help for the mind and offers real hope

Crossword Puzzle

Clues Across

1. Moses could be found here [3 words] (Exodus 33:7)

7. Female lion (Ezekiel 19:2)

10. Roman province preached in by Paul (Acts 18:23)

13. Father of Shimei (1 Kings 4:18)

14. What a leper was (Leviticus 13:42-46)

16. Constellation known to Job (Job 9:9; 38:32)

17. In Lystra, Paul was ‐‐‐‐‐‐ and left for dead (Acts 14:19)

18. What Abraham’s servant asked Rebekah for (Genesis 24:17)

19. Pronoun used for Babylon the Great (Revelation 14:8)

21. What the dead will do at the resurrection (Isaiah 26:19)

23. Price charged by the Philistines to sharpen various instruments (1 Samuel 13:21)

24. Often worshiped by Israel (Acts 7:41)

25. Wants to gather her chicks (Matthew 23:37)

27. “Sufficient for each day is its ‐‐‐ badness” (Matthew 6:34)

28. Levite gatekeeper (1 Chronicles 9:17)

31. Poor in health (Mark 1:32-34)

32. Some of these were treacherous (Isaiah 24:16)

34. Period of time (Luke 12:56, Moffatt)

35. Mentioned in connection with the false prophet Shemaiah (Jeremiah 29:24-32)

37. Where Josiah died (2 Kings 23:28-30)

38. Commonly found in the Promised Land [2 words] (Deuteronomy 8:7)

Clues Down

2. Songs have one (Job 30:9)

3. Allotted to the sons of Gershon as a Levitical city (Joshua 21:27-29)

4. Called “a priest of David” (2 Samuel 20:26)

5. Jesus often used them in teaching (Matthew 13:10-17)

6. Jehovah cares about him [2 words] (Exodus 22:22-24)

8. Number of times Christ’s sacrifice was made (1 Peter 3:18)

9. “How . . . will they preach unless they have been ‐‐‐‐ forth?” (Romans 10:15)

11. Praises (Isaiah 25:1)

12. Did business (Matthew 25:16, Authorized Version)

15. Venomous snake (Romans 3:13)

18. Some people with good eyes cannot do this (Mark 8:18)

20. From time to time, Ezekiel drank a sixth of one (Ezekiel 4:11)

22. In Eli’s days the tabernacle was here (1 Kings 2:27)

23. His runaway slave became a Christian (Philemon 1, 10-16)

26. Senseless husband of a sensible wife (1 Samuel 25:25, 33)

27. “There is no God but ‐‐‐” (1 Corinthians 8:4)

29. Lived to be 930 years old (Genesis 5:5)

30. Abraham’s became like the stars for number (Genesis 15:1-5)

33. Protects Jehovah’s loyal ones (Psalm 34:7)

36. Peter cut one off (John 18:10)

CROSSWORD SOLUTIONS PAGE 27

Answers Across

1. TENT OF MEETING

7. LIONESS

10. GALATIA

13. ELA

14. UNCLEAN

16. ASH

17. STONED

18. SIP

19. SHE

21. RISE

23. PIM

24. IDOL

25. HEN

27. OWN

28. AHIMAN

31. ILL

32. DEALERS

34. ERA

35. NEHELAM

37. MEGIDDO

38. TORRENT VALLEY

Answer Down

2. THEME

3. ENGANNIM

4. IRA

5. ILLUSTRATIONS

6. FATHERLESS BOY

8. ONCE

9. SENT

11. LAUDS

12. TRADED

15. ASP

18. SEE

20. HIN

22. SHILOH

23. PHILEMON

26. NABAL

27. ONE

29. ADAM

30. SEED

33. ANGEL

36. EAR

When the Music Ends, How Do We Solve the Problems?

Young People Ask . . .

When the Music Ends, How Do We Solve the Problems?

ANOTHER day of school was over at last. Susan, happy that it was, could now head for home, retreat into the privacy of her room, drown herself in music and forget the world!

Is this an apt description of you? A study made of the musical interests of young people, conducted in Berlin and Hamburg, Germany, revealed that they spend one and a half to three hours a day listening to music. Six out of ten put music with a heavy beat, and pop, at the head of their list. Why the major interest in this type of music?

Interviewed young people said it was because of their disappointment with the world around them and their desire to be distracted from their problems. This was an essential reason in Susan’s case. Admonishing teachers, anxiety about schoolwork and exams were all forgotten at the first sounds of music. Often forgotten, too, were the chores and the homework.

Susan had little contact with her parents. She saw her father seldom, perhaps fleetingly on weekends. “He works a lot,” her mother explained. Susan was not so sure. But of one thing she was sure: this was not the kind of marriage she would have. Her husband would have time for her and the children, just as one of her favorite songs described it.

Her mother, who also worked outside the home, always seemed nervous. She seemed to be always under a strain, always on the run, unwilling to listen to anyone who might want to talk to her. She would fix supper in a hurry, do a little housework, and then either slump down in front of the television or fall dead tired into bed.

Susan knew many other young people who had complaints about their parents too. It is a fact that, in recent years, the bond between parents and children has weakened considerably. Many parents no longer listen to what their children want to tell them, and large numbers of children no longer look to their parents for guidance in solving life’s problems.

Young people, however, generally want help in planning their future. They need someone who can show them understanding, someone who will listen to them talk about future plans or past disappointments. Since music is such an important part of their lives, it is small wonder that oftentimes they look up to musicians as examples to follow. Yes, at times they even idolize them.

What Do Pop Stars Have to Offer?

Modern songs often deal with contemporary fears and disappointments. So young people who actually have these problems feel understood by the performers who sing about them.

Of course, simply complaining about today’s deplorable state of affairs—even when done in the framework of music—does not really change things or solve problems. So it is not strange that those who sing about their apparently healthy world, or at least dream of such, are afflicted by the very same problems that are common to all of us.

The realities of life serve as a test of life-styles, showing whether they are feasible or not. The life that music stars live is oftentimes a distortion of the free and easy life they sing about. Rock stars are often unable to form balanced, partnershiplike relationships. Chrissie Shrimpton says of her love affair with Mick Jagger, member of the Rolling Stones: “It was simply insane wanting to share a life with a man who, on the one hand, wanted to belong to everyone, but who, on the other hand, was unwilling to belong to you even when he had the time.”

For over two decades Elvis Presley was a superstar. In a Presley biography we read that although he had “an unbelievable career . . . he was not happy. He had few real friends. He was surrounded, as he often complained, ‘either by fans or by spongers.’ He had no peace of mind.”

How did his life turn out? The biography continues: “He could not cope. He turned to drugs, to uppers and downers, he grew argumentative, he was no longer the polite young man he once had been. Those who knew him well still admired him, but they no longer loved him. He lived alone, although not in seclusion, and he died alone.”

Popularity and prestige are in the long run no replacement for a meaningful and satisfying life. George Harrison, a member of the former Beatles group, said: “There was no longer any satisfaction in it.”

Perhaps this emptiness of fame and the dissatisfaction with the life it brings are partially responsible for the behavior of some show-business greats. Hotel rooms have been wrecked, cars demolished, and, frequently, people have been injured. Such behavior is not indicative of balance and composure. To the contrary, it denotes a spirit of frustration.

A friend of Mick Jagger once said: “Mick has always had an inner conflict. He never wanted the negative image with which he and the Stones were burdened. But in order to cope with it, he . . . became the evil, aggressive man the press represented him as being. . . . On the other hand, he was always dreaming about a sound world, in which maliciousness and power mechanisms would not rule.”

The world of happiness and harmony that pop stars sing about sounds good. And they may be very good in vocalizing what is wrong with our present world. But knowledge of a condition does not change it. And their life-style is in contradiction to their dreams of a sound world, the one they cannot create for others, not even for themselves. Sooner or later the music ends, leaving both singer and listener still loaded down with problems.

Choosing a Better Example to Follow

As a result, many young people have come to the conclusion that looking to pop stars as examples after which to pattern their lives is looking in the wrong place. One such is the fourteen-year-old German boy who wrote the Watch Tower Society the following:

“Until I was twelve music seemed to have little influence upon me. Of course, I heard music on the radio, but that was all. But this changed suddenly when we moved and my grandmother gave my brother and me a phonograph. I wondered what kind of records I should buy. My parents recommended Elvis Presley, and I agreed. I bought one of his albums. Upon hearing it I was enthusiastic. I bought another. But that was not all. I began to collect newspaper articles about him and pictures. Later I bought some of his posters. But this was still only the beginning. I got a haircut like the one Elvis had, and I began to copy his ways. I tried to dress as he did. When I turned fourteen, what did I have? At least fifteen of Elvis’ albums, posters, piles of articles and a bad conscience.”

…

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Awake!, August 8, 1982